


Devil in Disguise

by aoishmex



Category: Alice Nine, Dir en grey, the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Romance, Smut, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 06:13:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17238905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoishmex/pseuds/aoishmex
Summary: Shinigami have human forms. They collect cases, reading through the book of a person's life to help resolve unfinished business before guiding them to the afterlife. It is rare for a shinigami to find love but not impossible.





	1. Chapter 1

A cool autumn wind blew through the busy streets, rustling the trees and disturbing the people as it passed. Little children squealed in enjoyment as fallen leaves danced around on the street. Their mothers would either tug them along or smile at their behavior. A frail-looking person sat on a shaded park bench, undisturbed by the crowd or wind as they buried themselves in the pages of a book. The sound of dogs running around was also drowned out with the passing conversations. Still, situations arose where the poor man was approached in the most awkward ways.       
      Men came with concealing smiles to see if the bookworm wanted to party, drink, or even have a fling at one of their houses. Each request was nervously but politely denied until the men left with defeated sighs. The requests continued throughout the day, some women joining in as well, until the man gave up on his reading and headed home where it was peaceful. This seemed to be the routine for him on many days. The walk back, however, was calming and quiet, allowing someone plenty of time for reveries.       
      Shinya closed the door to his apartment and leaned against it with a heavy sigh. The young man closed his eyes in an attempt to calm himself, running a hand through his light auburn hair. An amused chuckle caused him to look at the living room couch where his roommate was looking up from his magazine. "Welcome home," the black haired man smiled at him. "Rough day at the park, huh?"       
      "Same old, same old," the auburn sighed. "How was work?" Shinya asked as he undid his coat.       
      "Not bad," Toshiya shrugged. "You're an amazing cleaner, Shinya. But I wish you'd find something funto do on your days off," the elder smiled with a teasing wink. Shinya sighed and joined the taller on the couch. "The next time we both have a day off we need to go out and have some fun. Go to dinner somewhere, go shopping...maybe hit a club for some drinks. What do you say?"  Toshiya suggested.       
     The auburn chuckled and nodded. "Maybe... I just don't want to deal with more men mistaking me for a woman-- or women mistaking me for a woman..."       
      "Ouch," the blackette giggled. "I'm telling you, it's because you dress the part. Maybe you should check your wardrobe with me before you go out in public," he laughed.       
      "Very funny," the younger muttered with a roll of his eyes. He stood with a small huff, wordlessly making his way to his room with Toshiya blinking after him. It was a good five minutes before he came back to the living room. Upon inspection Toshiya could see he had changed his shirt from a v-neck tee to a white button up shirt that made him seem even skinnier than he was. "I'm going to the beach for a walk. Be back for dinner," Shinya explained, grabbed his wallet and keys, and headed out.       
     Toshiya turned back to his magazine. "Now that he looks his proper gender I bet he'll be the only one even there..."     
    
     The walk to the beach was pleasantly quiet. It wasn't a particularly long distance but it was better spent taken with time than rushed. Shinya was grateful, though, for the evening crowd roaming the streets. With the weather cooling down as quickly as it was it pretty much guaranteed the beach to himself because nobody would want to be outside. The auburn haired man took in a deep breath of the salty air as he stepped onto the sand, looking at the glittering waves rolling against the shore. He made his way to the edge of the shoreline where he wouldn't get wet to begin his walk. He was alone. The beach was his only companion now.       
      M _aybe Toshiya's right. I always_ _have_ _looked a bit too feminine... But can't they tell by how defined my hands are? Can't they see my chest is flat? I guess if you're drunk enough your brain can't process those things... Most of the men today were sober, though. Maybe I_ _should_ _change the way I dress... What about Toshiya? Who is_ _he_ _to talk about looking too feminine? He's the one with skirts hidden in his wardrobe. I don't think he's a cross dresser so why would he wear them? I wonder if he has a girlfriend. He's never told me he does... What if he has a_ _boyfriend_ _and is afraid to tell me because he doesn't know how I'll react? How_ _would_ _I react? It wouldn’t bug me, I don't think... And I'm sure Toshiya would be considerate enough to keep his love life in check around me so things weren't so awkward. What if_ _I_ _meet someone special; someone who makes my stomach flutter? And what if that someone turns out to be---_       
      Shinya stopped short at the sight in front of him. A man was crouched by the shore only a few feet away, looking distantly at the water through large sunglasses. Brown hair reached down to his shoulders and a burning cigarette was held between two fingers in his right hand. The man wore a baggy grey sweatshirt, loose cargo pants and worn white sneakers, a few rings decorating his hands.  _Where did he come from? I didn't see anyone else here... I came to the beach to be alone. But there's something about this stranger I can't figure out; something mysterious._ _Something_ _is drawing me to him._        
     The man before him removed the sunglasses from his face and turned to look up at the auburn. Shinya took a sharp intake of air through his nose as he stared into a pair of deep, brown eyes. He felt a large shiver run up his spine, and with it came a surge of adrenaline and life throughout his entire being he couldn't even explain to himself. It seemed the two stared at each other for an eternity before speaking.       
     "You shouldn't smoke," he voiced. "You'll catch an early death."       
      The stranger gave an amused, almost ironic, laugh at his statement. "I'm not worried about cancer sending me to my grave," he replied, but Shinya noted how he tossed the cancer stick in the ocean anyway. "Sit with me."       
      Again Shinya shivered. His voice was cool and deep, calm like the ocean as the tide went out. The auburn shuffled his feet for a moment before crouching down in much the same manner beside the other. The two men remained in silence, watching the setting sun reflect its golden self on the still water. "What are you thinking about?" Shinya ventured.       
      The brunette was silent for a moment. He took a deep breath, as if the cigarette was still between his lips, before answering. "A teenage boy drowned himself in this ocean early this morning. He would have made a great painter once discovered, but his family didn't support his decision. So the stress must have been too high and he let the waves take him."    
    Shinya stared at him in shock. "Did you know him?"      
     "No."       
     _Then how do you know so much about this?_  "Oh..." More silence followed. The auburn haired man let his mind wander. The stranger beside him looked out blankly at the sea, no doubt in his own thoughts as he was. The Shinya spoke again. "I was always afraid of death when I was little. My parents would tell me scary stories about the devil, so I always thought he was scary and ugly."     
    The brunette laughed. A wide grin stretched on his handsome face. "So...say I was Death," he drawled, turning to look at the younger. "Am I ugly?" An intrigued smile twitched at his lips as he waited.      
     Shinya looked back directly into the brown eyes. "No. You're beautiful."      
     The man stared at him in silence, clearly shocked at the blunt reply. But it was true. And the more Shinya looked at him the more he was convinced there were no flaws to the brunette. "Hmm..." the man hummed, giving a warm smile. "Thank you."      
      "What's your name?" the auburn asked after a silence.                                                                                         A pause. “Die.”

 "Dai?" Shinya repeated the name. "My name is Shinya," he returned.       
     Die looked at him. This time, however, the shiver that ran through the auburn was warm. "Shinya... You're beautiful, too." Shinya blushed heavily, causing Die to chuckle. "It's getting late. You should go home before it gets too dark."        
     Shinya looked at the sky and gasped. "I told Toshiya I'd be home for dinner... Sorry; excuse me," the younger apologized. He stood quickly and ran from the beach. He stopped, though, and turned to look back at the brunette. But Die was already gone.       
When Shinya returned he found Toshiya still on the couch, watching a current news report. "What's going on?" the auburn asked.      
      "A teen committed suicide early this morning..." Toshiya sighed.      
      "Drowning," the younger said in awe.  _Dai was right..._ "When did they find the body?"      
      "Five minutes ago. I don't think you'll be going to the beach for a while," the blackette said with a small smile. "They said his parents are feeling really guilty for it because they weren't supportive enough. And all his paintings--because that was his passion--- are going to his friends. He didn't want any of them to go to his parents... Are you okay?" Toshiya asked suddenly. He had been watching the other man's face. "You look kind of pale."       
     "Huh?" Shinya blinked, snapping out of his thoughts. "Oh. No, I'm okay. I'm going to go shower. Come get me when the food comes, would you?" he called over his shoulder, heading to the bathroom.       
     "Sure," Toshiya agreed, watching his retreating figure warily. He gave a heavy sigh and turned back to the television, staring at the blubbering faces of the boy's parents on the screen. "Depressing," he muttered with a click of the remote.    
       Shinya gave a heavy sigh as he struggled for sleep.  _The only way Dai could have known about everything was if he knew the boy personally. But the only other person who could know someone, without actually knowing them, would be the devil..._ "Impossible," the auburn voiced aloud. His mind led him immediately to what Die had asked him;  _"Say I was death...the devil..."_ Eventually Shinya found sleep, Die's deep voice resonating through his mind with a strong, unexplainable hope to see the brunette again. 


	2. Chapter 2

Die made his way through the large halls of his home. People scampered about, whether in a hurry or not, to get things finished. Everyone he made eye contact with would bow politely and wait until he had passed before going on their ways. The brunette looked forward to relaxing in his room without any distractions. Things had been annoyingly busy the last few days, so work was the last thing he wanted to do. Die gave a grateful sigh as he pushed open the double doors to his bedroom. No sooner had he kicked off his shoes and collapsed face-first on his large bed than a voice greeted him.

“Welcome back,” a deeper voice came.

Die gave an audible groan of frustration into his blanket. “Go away.”

“That’s rude,” the voice retorted. “What a way to treat your best friend.”

The brunette sighed. “What do you want, Kyo?” A split second later Die felt an additional weight sinking his bed. The weight then leveled itself only inches beside him. Die lifted his head to look at his friend with a raised brow.

“You were out pretty late with that suicide case last night,” Kyo said. The underlying tone was easy to catch. The brunette scowled. “Spill it,” the blonde demanded. If a new staff member had been watching the display they would have wondered which one of them was really in charge. “Now.”

Die sighed. “What do you think happened?” he quirked.

“I think you found a stranger who was completely smitten with your devilish good looks and had fun with him in a dark alley,” Kyo said bluntly. The brunette scoffed and rolled his eyes. “But I doubt it’s your Horny Time of Month yet.”

“Do you always have to be so crude?” Die asked.

The shorter man smiled. “I’m your best friend for a reason, Die. And, no; I’m actually a kind and polite individual. So what happened?” he said in a softer tone.

“I was just thinking…” Die sighed after a while. “I don’t see how his parents could be so uncaring about what he wanted in life.”

Kyo shrugged. “They probably thought they were doing the best thing for him—giving him the highest possibilities, I mean,” he voiced.

“Yeah, maybe…” The brunette stretched out his arms before folding them under his head. “I’m so tired,” he muttered, eyes closing slightly.

The blonde chuckled. “Yeah, today was pretty busy, wasn’t it?”

Die nodded. Suddenly he remembered something and quirked a brow at the younger. “Where were you all day?”

“Suicidal group of teens, woman killed by a train, and a gangbang victim,” Kyo said, counting each case on his fingers.

The brunette furrowed a brow in thought. “I didn’t… see anyone that would fit that…” he said slowly. “Did they survive?” Kyo nodded. “What about the teens?”

“A few of them did. I didn’t get to the others in time. And two of them…wouldn’t listen,” he sighed heavily. Die could tell he was downtrodden by the fact and gave a small smile. “Maybe I could have done more for them,” Kyo voiced.

Die shook his head. “You did what you could. Don’t beat yourself up over it,” he assured his friend. The younger gave a thankful smile. He gave a large yawn and shifted his position on the large bed. Die chuckled. “Hey, I’m tired, too. I’ll have someone draw you a bath and you can sleep in your own bed…and I’ll sleep in mine.”

“I don’t want to work tomorrow…” Kyo mumbled.

“You can sleep in. I’ll call for Yukina,” the brunette chuckled. Kyo gave a hum of satisfaction and stood from the younger’s bed. A knock came from the door and a woman came in with a bow. “Kyo would like a bath. And he has permission to sleep in tomorrow. Please take care of him,” Die said politely. The woman smiled and bowed. Then she and Kyo were gone.

 

Shinya pulled a soft, long-sleeved shirt over his form, smoothing down the fabric before putting his coat on over it. He fixed his hair and grabbed his things. It had been a week after the suicide. The beach was open to the public again so Shinya was looking forward to the alone time he could spend there. The auburn put his keys and wallet in his jeans pockets while looking around the living room for a piece of paper. Toshiya was already at work but the younger had no idea what time he would be home so he wanted to leave a note. In a way Shinya was grateful Toshiya wasn’t home to ask where he was going—or why. Going to the beach gave him an excuse to—hopefully—see Dai again. After a note had been written the auburn left the apartment.

It wasn’t much of a surprise that the beach was mostly unoccupied when Shinya arrived. People were still wary of the place because of the suicide. The auburn made his way slowly to the water while looking around the beach. No sign of Dai. Shinya gave a heavy sigh of disappointment. _I guess the odds of seeing him again were close to non-existent in the first place_ , he admitted to himself. _Tokyo_ _is such a big place_. The auburn gave a deep sigh as he crouched down by the water. The tide was going out slowly like the people evacuating the beach. So, before long, Shinya was alone.

The last week had gone slowly; it had seemed like a month. Toshiya had been at work late most nights so Shinya was left to himself. The news had focused on the suicide for a few days before switching to a group of suicidal teens and a woman killed on one of the train tracks. Those tracks had been closed down for investigation, causing troubles for many people and the train workers. Some of the teens had survived and received help, but there was no help for the ones who had given up. The auburn man wondered if Dai would know any specifics the news didn’t like he did about the suicide. A sudden shiver ran up Shinya’s spine and a deep voice came behind him.

“Who are you waiting for?”

Shinya stood quickly and spun around, eyes widening at the brunette he now stood before. He wore a dark, denim jacket instead of a large sweatshirt, jeans with a chain dangling off a belt loop, and thick boots. The auburn’s heart leapt in excitement. “You’re here…”

Die cocked his head to the side. “You were waiting for me?”

“W-Well, I was hoping to see you again…a-and I thought I might be able to find you here since this is where we met…” the younger stuttered in embarrassment. He looked down and shuffled his feet. “B-But I was starting to think you wouldn’t be here…”

The brunette gave a smile and a small chuckle. “I see.”

Shinya bit at his bottom lip. “How have you been?” he asked.

“All right. You?” the elder replied.

“All right…”

The two men stood in silence, the auburn looking at his feet and the brunette at him. Die looked around him momentarily. “Did you have plans for the evening?” he asked. Shinya looked up blinking. “Is Toshiya waiting for you to come home?”

“Oh! No, he’s working late tonight so I have the rest of the night free,” the slender man replied.

“Would you care to join me for dinner?”

Shinya gave a shy smile and nodded. “Sure.” Die smiled, sending a warm tingle up the other’s spine, turning to lead the way off the beach. The auburn joined his side and followed. “I’m wary of big crowds,” he admitted.

The brunette gave another smile. “I know just the place.”

 

Shinya stared at the display before him in awe. A table for two was set up on the roof of a restaurant he hadn’t even heard of. The view was a sea of neon lights and skyscrapers under a blue and purple sunset. There were other tabled on the roof as well but they were unoccupied. The auburn couldn’t help but think it was the perfect setting for a romantic dinner date. “Wow…”

“Do you like it?” Die asked behind him.

The younger nodded and smiled. “I’ve never been to a place like this,” he admitted. “It must be very expensive…”

The brunette chuckled and pulled out Shinya’s chair. “Don’t worry about it. I invited you so I’ll cover the expense,” he smiled. Shinya blushed slightly, the warm smile making it hard for him to resist, slowly taking his seat at the table. Die sat across from him and opened the menu before him. “Get what you want. Money isn’t an issue,” he assured the auburn. The younger nodded, grateful the other couldn’t see how uncomfortable the idea actually made him. He wasn’t used to such extravagance from someone he barely knew. It wasn’t long before a server came to take their order and the two were alone in silence.

Shinya looked out at the sunset with a calm sigh. He rarely had such a view from his apartment. The sky was a darkening blue, clouds painted with varying hues of pink and purple. Wherever the sun was, there the blue remained brightest. No other place had such a sunset; they were stuck with consistent reds, oranges, and yellows. The auburn was so enthralled by the scene he didn’t notice the brunette’s contemplating gaze. It wasn’t until the sun disappeared that Shinya looked back at the other. He saw the elder’s expression and cocked his head to the side. “What is it?”

Die looked at him for a moment more before a smile twitched at his lips. “I’ve never seen anyone so captivated by a sunset.”

“They may be common things but I’d rather not take them for granted,” Shinya said with unexpected bluntness. He immediately looked down in embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so rude,” he apologized. The brunette chuckled. Another shiver ran through him.

“I would much rather have you be able to be yourself around me. Be as blunt as you want; say what comes to your mind. I like the sound of your voice: It’s honest and natural,” Die told him, his tone softening at the last sentence. The auburn stared at him in shock. Not a single word came to his mind in reply. Die merely smiled, his gaze fixed on the younger, until the server came back with their order. Their dinner continued with silence and comfortable small talk. When they were finished the brunette walked the other back to the beach where they had met, watching the way Shinya marveled at the lights reflecting off the waves. “Go home; get some rest,” Die smiled gently when the moon glowed high above them.

“Thank you for dinner,” Shinya smiled and gave a bow. He turned and made his way back up the beach to the paved street. Then he paused, suddenly, turning quickly to see the brunette. “Dai?” the auburn called. The elder turned to him with a questioning brow. “Will I see you soon?”

Die pondered the question to himself. Then he gave a broad smile and nodded. “Sure.” Shinya returned the smile with a broad one of his own. The auburn gave a quick wave before continuing home, his heart dancing in his chest at the elder’s promise.

 

Kyo huffed in exhaustion, leaning against the tree he was perched in. “Man, old women are such a hassle! She must have cried for hours before she was finally ready to go,” he grumbled. The blonde ran a hand through his hair before sitting on his branch.

“What are you doing up in the tree?” a voice called. Kyo jumped, head whirling to look down wide-eyed. A short man with light brown hair looked up at him curiously. Kyo felt his heart skip a beat. “Are you looking for something?” the brunette asked.

“No, I’m just relaxing,” the blonde replied.

“Oh. Okay, then. Have a good night,” the man smiled broadly and waved. Kyo watched his retreating form, dumbfounded at what had just happened. He stayed in the tree for quite some time until he felt Die wondering why he wasn’t back yet.


	3. Chapter 3

Toshiya hummed and buzzed around the house with a smile. He was already dressed and ready to go out on the town with his roommate. Now he prepared breakfast as he waited for the younger to wake up. By the time he had set the last glass on the small table the black haired man looked up to the sound of heavy footsteps entering the kitchen. “Morning, sleepy head,” Toshiya chirped.

“Mm,” Shinya mumbled rubbing his eyes. “Did you wake up early just to make all of this?” the auburn asked when he saw the food on their table. The elder shook his head. “It looks great.”

“Well, I know I’m not as great of a cook as you are but at least it’s edible,” Toshiya chuckled.

Shinya sat in one of the seats and smiled at his roommate. “You’re too modest. I love it when you cook; you always put a lot of care into it,” he complimented. The taller blushed before joining him at the table. “Ittadekimasu!”

 

Kyo made his way through the crowded streets toward the nearest park. He didn’t normally spend his days off around many people because, quite frankly, he found it rather depressing. Especially when he saw couples who had clearly been together for years. Then all he could think about was how heartbroken one of them would be when the other had to move on. Death was his job; what he always thought about, and what he never had to worry about for himself. Still, for some reason unbeknownst to himself, he had decided to be among the masses. There was a reason he was going to this specific park. There were many trees and plenty of shade. It was one of the most peaceful parks he knew about. Kyo had barely made it to a bench when he looked up to see a familiar face.

A short brown haired man, only an inch shorter than he was, stood before Kyo with the same shocked expression. His eyes were a bright chocolate brown surrounded by dark make-up. The brunette was well dressed in torn blue jeans with a denim jacket to match, a loose-fitting tee and several punk accessories including the large sunglasses hanging in his hand. He had removed them when he saw Kyo so he could look him over and make sure it was the same blonde he had met a few nights ago. “It is you!” the brunette exclaimed with a broad smile. “The tree climber! Wow. I was hoping to see you again but I had no idea it would be so soon! Hi, I’m Ruki,” he said in a rush.

The blonde blinked for a moment. “Kyo.”

“Kyo. Hajimemashite,” Ruki smiled. Kyo nodded in agreement. “Do you come to this park a lot?”

“Mm. I like the trees and the shade. It’s quiet,” the other replied.

“Not a crowd person, huh? I can understand that,” the brunette said.

Kyo stared at him. His heart was on the fritz again and he had no idea why. Was it because of the handsome boy before him? The brunette waited anxiously for him to say something. “Um… do you come here a lot?” Kyo asked awkwardly.

Ruki shrugged. “When I can. I’d rather be outside where it’s fresh instead of inside where it’s stuffy,” he said, his tone turning almost bitter. “Want to join me for a walk?” The question, however, had been as cheerful as his introduction.

“Sure. Where do you want to go?” Kyo asked and he found himself smiling at the other’s enthusiasm. Maybe being with one person would take his mind off things. The brunette thought for a moment before suggesting the nearest bridge, to which Kyo nodded in agreement, and the two began their walk. Ruki seemed to bring up all the conversational topics, but Kyo didn’t mind at all.

 

Toshiya and Shinya made their way out of the crowded nightclub in giggles. Toshiya, to no surprise, had been the center of attention many times. Men and women flocked to his cheerful personality and charming smile. Shinya was surprised at the amount of attention he himself was given once it was evident he and Toshiya were together. His roommate giggled and chattered. The crowds showered him with compliments. The women leaned against him and gave flirtatious giggles. The men drooled over his feminine features and long legs. They had offered to buy the two more drinks, of course, if it meant having them stay longer.

“I’m so proud of you, Shin-chan!” Toshiya giggled as they headed down the street to the nearest late-night café. “You actually went out and danced tonight instead of being a wall flower.”

The auburn laughed. “You know as well as I do that all those people gathered to see you.”

“Yeah, maybe,” the blackette grinned, giving himself away. They walked in silence for a moment until Toshiya sighed and spoke again. “Have you ever thought of dating?” he asked slowly. Shinya turned to him in question. “Well…have you met someone you really had a connection with and ever thought of dating them, but you didn’t know how to approach the subject?” the raven asked nervously.

Shinya thought about the question in silence. “Not…exactly. Have you met someone special?”

Toshiya shook his head. “No,” he sighed sadly. “I want to… Have you?”

“I think so…” the auburn blushed. “I don’t have any romantic feelings towards them but when I’m with them… I feel alive. I get warm and cold shivers down my spine. My stomach flutters when they smile. And I can’t wait to see them again,” he smiled. His blush deepened at the end but the smile never lifted.

The two men continued toward the café. The music and crowds of the nightclub faded behind them. “Is it a ‘he’?” Toshiya asked the younger carefully. Shinya gave a curt nod. “What’s he like?”

“Very polite. Kind. Handsome. I’ve only met him twice but he promised to be in contact soon. He has a warm smile and a deep voice. And he’s very easy to talk to,” Shinya explained. Toshiya chuckled at the younger. They were only a few blocks from the café now but the neighborhood didn’t seem as friendly as it normally did for some reason. Shinya looked around at the old brick buildings. They were dark and lifeless. Was it really that late at night?

Toshiya paused to look at him. “What is it?” he asked.

Shinya shook his head. “Something doesn’t feel right…” His eyes settled on the apartment complex across the alleyway. The café was down the street in sight, but there was something about the building that worried him. A familiar shiver ran up his spine. The auburn’s eyes widened when he saw a tall brown haired figure in the alley, staring up at the apartment complex he had focused on only seconds before. “Dai?”

The brunette whirled around to look at them. Panic flashed across his handsome features. “What are you doing here this late at night?” he asked the auburn.

“We were going to the café just down the street to wind down after the night club,” Shinya explained. “What are you doing here?” he countered before he could stop himself.

Die hesitated. “Waiting.” It was then Shinya noticed a taller figure behind him. This man had black hair with spiked bangs. His eyes were a marble green and his nose sharp, slightly crooked as if it had never healed after a punch. “You shouldn’t be here,” Die whispered.

“What are you talking about?” the auburn furrowed his brow.

“They’re coming,” the taller black haired man warned.

Die’s eyes widened in panic again. He grabbed Shinya by the hand and pulled him into the alley. The other black haired man offered a hand to Toshiya, who took it in a daze, and pulled him into the shadows as well. Shinya found himself against the cold brick wall like Toshiya did. His roommate stared up into the taller raven’s eyes intently. “Tora,” Die said in a low voice. Tora nodded and moved closer to Toshiya in silence. “Shh,” Die told Shinya before he could protest. “Don’t move or make any noise,” he said in a whisper. Shinya jolted when the brunette leaned closer to hide his view from the street and he felt the taller man’s arm wrap around his upper back. Heat rose to his face as Die pressed his body only inches from his own. The auburn looked to see Toshiya in the same situation, but Tora’s arms were against the wall. “Shinya,” came a deep voice and a shiver up his spine. His grey eyes flicked nervously to the elder’s face. “Look into my eyes. Focus on me and nothing else,” Die told him in a gentle command.

Shinya found himself melting and freezing all at once. He saw nothing but the brunette’s dark brown depths in front of him. Their beauty and the closeness of Die’s body made him warmer than he had ever been. He could feel the elder’s toned arm against his back. His heart beat rapidly against his ribs. Die’s face was absolutely beautiful. His cheeks and jaw were sharply defined, his lips full with a perfect Cupid’s bow. The scent of cologne mixed with the scent of his skin. And his dark brown eyes were so full of mystery there was no way Shinya could have looked away. All this had him captivated; all this had him rooted to where he stood.

Die stared back at the feminine man in his arms. He had to fight the urge not to look away from the piercing grey eyes in order to focus on the rest of his face. This was, after all, the first time he had had the chance to see the younger so closely. He could hear the commotion going on in one of the apartments behind them. Glass was breaking, things falling, people were screaming…until a dull thud made everything still again. None of it mattered to him now. Now that Shinya was before him all that mattered was keeping him safe. Die let his fingers run through the soft auburn hair, a strand staying in his hold until he let it fall and pulled away. Shinya looked at him questioningly. “Go home. I’ll meet you at the beach, after sunset, Wednesday night,” the brunette said.

Shinya bit his lip. “Promise?” he whispered.

The brunette chuckled and leaned closer again to whisper in reply. “I promise.” He watched as Shinya took Toshiya by the arm and led him out of the alley. Tora held the taxi door open for them (though when it had arrived the brunette couldn’t be sure) and Die saw the auburn look back at him one last time.

Tora joined him again in silence once the cab was out of sight. “The police are on their way, Sir. A neighbor reported a disturbing commotion before the end,” he said in a calm, deep voice.

Die nodded. “Good work. Let’s go home.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“And not a word to Kyo.”

Toshiya and Shinya sat in the taxi in silence. Shinya’s body still burned with the mental replay of what had happened. The raven stared ahead of him in confusion. He turned to the auburn slowly. “Was that him?”

“Mm…” the other nodded.

There was a brief silence. “What just happened?”

Shinya shook his head. “I don’t know.”


	4. Chapter 4

Die lie on his bed, resting his chin on his folded arms, as he looked out his balcony window in deep thought. His mind was full of one thing: Shinya. The auburn’s grey eyes bored into his memory so all he could think about were those few minutes in the alley. He wanted to see him again. Wednesday night seemed like it would never arrive. Die gave a deep sigh and closed his eyes. How long would he be able to see Shinya without the other finding out who he was?

A tired sigh came from his door and the brunette turned away from the window to his visitor. He and the blonde exchanged tired smiles before Kyo joined him on the large bed. “How was work?” the shorter asked.

The brunette scoffed. “Eventful. How was your day off?”

Kyo was silent for a moment before he replied. “Cheerful,” he said, almost as if he didn’t believe himself.

“Hmm,” Die hummed. They were silent until Die spoke again. “I find…my favorite place to go these days is the beach. It’s calm and warm… the sun is like gold… and the waves are soothing,” he said as a wistful sigh left his nose.

The blonde chuckled. “Mine would have to be the Omotesando bridge. Everyone who crosses is so full of life.”

“Makes you forget your job is death, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah…” Kyo sighed. “It’s a miracle I’m not depressed,” he remarked and Die laughed. The blonde took a deep breath. “Have you ever wished you could be someone—something – else? Not these dark, feared beings we are but normal people with normal jobs?” he asked quietly.

The brunette lie in silence for a moment before he sighed. “I’ve always wanted to meet the right person and live a quiet, peaceful life with our kids.” Kyo raised a brow at him. He hadn’t expected a specific answer. “But… perhaps I’ll have to settle for adoption instead…” Die murmured into his arm, a small blush creeping to his cheeks. Thankfully, Kyo didn’t notice.

“I just want peace and warmth… Permanent happiness…” the blonde confessed wistfully.

“Like Tora has with Shou?” Die asked after a thought. The younger nodded. “I think I can relate to that…” the brunette sighed into his arms.

Kyo fell back onto the bed with a dejected sigh. He and the elder lie in silence, each in their own thoughts, until he posed a question again. “What’s on your plate this week?”

Die thought for a moment.  “I’m busy tomorrow and Tuesday so I can go to the beach on Wednesday. Then it’s more work. You?”

“Mine is pretty full, too, but I want Friday night free. Is that possible?”

“Sure,” the elder nodded. “I’ll have Yukina find someone to cover for you.”

A rather bright smile formed on the blonde’s lips. “Thanks, Die.”

 

Wednesday night came all too quickly for Shinya. He was nervous. The scene from the alley had replayed itself in his mind over and over again. He was excited to see Dai again for reasons he couldn’t explain. Still, he couldn’t help but feel there was something more to the brunette than was being shown. _Everyone is like that, though_ , Shinya reasoned. _We all have secrets we don’t want known. His secret doesn’t feel dangerous, either, so why am I so nervous about this_? The auburn haired man gave a sigh as he fixed his hair and clothes. He blushed, feeling like he was getting ready for a date of all things. _It’s not a date; it’s just a meeting between friends._

Shinya gathered his wallet and apartment keys before he left the building. Toshiya was already out with other friends. At least, that’s what Shinya assumed he was doing. The raven didn’t really say where he was going. _Maybe he went to see his boyfriend? No, he said he didn’t have one. So is he meeting Tora like I’m meeting Dai_? Shinya pushed that thought out of his mind. The only thing he wanted to focus on was Dai. The walk to the beach seemed to drag on longer than normal, but the auburn haired man blamed that on nerves. When he reached the sand he was surprised to find the brunette was already there. Usually Shinya was the first to arrive. The young man took a deep breath and made his way to the water’s edge where the taller was waiting for him.

Die turned to see him, immediately flashing a broad smile. Shinya’s heart leapt. “You made it,” the brunette greeted.

“Mmm,” the auburn managed after calming his heart. “I want to ask a few questions, if that’s okay,” he said cautiously. The brunette tensed slightly at the phrase but nodded anyway. Shinya took a breath before continuing. “Where is Tora?”

The elder blinked at the question, as if it was the farthest from what he had expected Shinya to say. “He has an assignment somewhere else.”

Shinya cocked his head to the side. “You work together?”

“He works for me…” Die replied.

“What do you do?”

Die thought for a moment before responding. He had to choose the right words, after all. “We help people prepare for their time of death. Help them get their priorities taken care of so they have no worries when they move on.”

Shinya was silent for a moment. “Oh… That’s very kind of you.” The brunette raised a brow. “Well, most people have wills set up years in advance but there are still things for them to worry about before they pass away. So I think it’s kind of you to help them later on after that,” he explained.

The brunette chuckled. “Thank you.”

“Does Tora have a girlfriend?”

“No. Why?” the elder quirked.

“Well, because the other night…he and Toshiya got rather…close and I was wondering…”

Die tried not to laugh at how adorable the auburn looked as he was trying to explain his question. “Tora has a boyfriend named Shou. He works for me, too, but in a different department.”

“Oh, I see…” Shinya blushed heavily and looked at the ground.

“Can I ask you some questions?” the brunette asked gently. Shinya gave a curt nod in reply. “How old are you?” Die began.

“Twenty-five.”

“I’m twenty-eight. What do you do for work?”

“I work at a pet store. I love animals; especially dogs. I hope to have one of my own someday soon. Maybe a Chihuahua, because they’re small and easy to handle…”

Die chuckled. “You’d do well with a dog. What do you like to do on your free time?”

“Read. Mostly puzzles and brain challengers. I have some fiction books, too, but they’re not my favorite genre. I mostly stay home and clean…unless Toshiya drags me out of the house or I have plans with you…” The auburn blushed slightly at the end.

The brunette smiled warmly, sending another warm tingle in the younger’s stomach. “I like spending time with you. I’ve been looking forward to this all week.” Shinya looked up at him steadily this time, eyes wide in surprise and color rising to his cheeks. Die looked at him with his unwavering smile.

“So…” the younger drawled, feet shuffling in the sand, “what did you have planned for the night?”

There was a slight silence before Die spoke again. “Take a walk with me.”

Die led Shinya along a private route through the city. The crowds had died and they could talk freely about anything and everything. Die asked nearly as many questions as Shinya did, but no matter how much the younger learned he still felt like there was something big and important he would never know about Die. The two men found a deserted bridge and stopped to look at the lights reflecting on the black water. Shinya was all too aware of how close the brunette was to him, feeling the other’s body heat right by his own. In fact, Die had made it a point to stay as close to him as possible the whole night. After that night in the alley the brunette had wanted nothing more than to be close to him again. The only time they stopped talking was when Toshiya called the younger.

Shinya fidgeted nervously after closing his phone and ending the call. Die noticed the uneasy sigh. “Something wrong?” he asked gently.

“Toshiya is working through the night so he won’t be home until the afternoon but…” The auburn hesitated with his words. “I-I don’t want to be home alone…”

The brunette thought about the situation. “Stay with me.”

The younger man’s eyes widened. “Oh… Oh, no, I… I wouldn’t dream of intruding like that when we barely know each other,” he stuttered.

Die simply thought about the situation some more. He didn’t exactly have a home he could take the auburn to in the first place… but he would do anything to make their time together  last as long as possible. “We’ll go to a hotel. That way you won’t be intruding on me and you won’t have to be alone,” the brunette said resolutely.

Shinya looked at him in shock and silence. A hotel, with a stranger? How would that look to others? He had no clothes to change into so they couldn’t pretend they were travelers. Still, the firm tone in the elder’s voice made it hard for him to resist. _Besides_ , he reasoned to himself, _it gives me more time with him_. Finally the slender man spoke again. “Okay.”

 

Die stared at the moonlit face before him in silent, almost reverent, awe, watching the different neon specks of light coming through the window dance among the pale blue-white glow. He could see every feature of the beautiful man in front of him, fast asleep on the large hotel bed without a care for the outside world. Most men wouldn’t admit to finding another man beautiful, and the brunette had not met many men who were even close to that level of handsomeness, but Shinya was exactly that: Beautiful. And Die was ready to admit it to the world. Well, to Kyo, at least.

The younger man’s face was set with a narrow jaw and high cheekbones. His lips were full and wide, top lip slightly off center, with evidence of worried biting by teeth. The auburn’s nose had the ideal curve every woman wanted for themselves. Curved lashes fell gently on the defined cheeks, casting a slight shadow on the skin with the moonlight. The soft locks of auburn hair fell in gentle layers to create even more of a shadow. Die felt it a sin to obstruct the moon from shining on the younger man so he reached out and carefully brushed aside the hair lying against Shinya’s cheek. The other man’s body may not have been something one would consider beautiful because of its thin nature but the brunette took the time to admire every feature in detail.

Shinya’s shoulders were broad enough to fit his slender frame perfectly. His collarbone protruded through the thin skin of his chest. The long arms were toned, wrists thin, and hands soft but calloused from work. His fingers were long and slender, beautiful in their own way. The auburn had no waist to speak of because he was so skinny but his hips were proportionate to his build like his shoulders. Shinya’s legs were long and slender to complete the look of a fragile, living doll people couldn’t help but admire. The young man’s chest rose and fell with each quiet breath but beyond that he remained absolutely still.

Die gave a small smile as he watched the younger curl into himself and noticed the shiver that made his muscles quiver. The brunette pulled the thick covers over the younger man’s shoulders, resting his hand briefly on the bony back before brushing bangs out of the other’s eyes. Shinya gave a deep sigh in his sleep, leaning into the touch, and surprised the elder when he subconsciously held the large hand in his own. Die felt his breath hitch when their fingers nearly locked to complete the intimate gesture. He couldn’t explain why, but the brunette felt there was something undeniably captivating about the young man in front of him. Everything in him wanted to find out what it was that had him so drawn to the other, and every nerve in his core told him Shinya was someone he had to have in his life. But to what extent? The brunette felt Kyo calling him for a job, cursing inwardly at having to leave the auburn behind. “I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise,” Die whispered to the sleeping man, slowly releasing his hand from the other’s soft hold. Then, as if he had never been there, he was gone.

Shinya woke groggily to unfamiliar sounds from the streets outside. He sat up slowly and looked around him, registering the events of last night that had led him to sleeping in a hotel. The auburn had been so tired last night he hadn’t noticed how big the room actually was. _How much does a room like this cost?_ he wondered idly. Shinya felt a cool breath on his hand and glanced down to find a tall brunette fast asleep beside him. _He’s even more handsome when he’s sleeping…_ The auburn blushed at the thought. _Where did that come from?!_ He didn’t have time to argue with himself, however, because he felt the bed shift with Die’s weight.

“Morning…” the brunette mumbled as he rubbed his eyes. “How’d you sleep?” he asked, voice as polite as ever.

“Very well,” Shinya managed. “Thank you.”

Die looked sleepily at the clock on the desk next to his side of the bed. “Wow… You slept almost twelve hours…”

The younger blushed. “That’s normal for me…”

The other chuckled at him. A warm tingle ran along Shinya’s spine. “Let’s get some breakfast and get you home. I have a ton of work to do today,” Die sighed heavily.

“Oh, I can feed myself at home. I don’t want you to be late for work on my account,” Shinya insisted quickly. But Die simply smiled at him and ran a hand through his auburn hair. _I can’t resist this man, no matter how hard I try. I think I’m in trouble._

 

Ruki and Kyo sat at the table of a small street-side café, the brunette with a large coffee beverage while the dirty blonde nibbled at some sweets between them. The younger man’s drink was already half empty and they had only been at the place for ten minutes. “So do you have a girlfriend?” he asked the other bluntly after taking a long sip of his tonic. Kyo looked at him incredulously. “She must be very busy since you have so much free time to meet me. Or she’s just very generous about giving you time with your friends,” Ruki continued casually.

The elder gave a small chuckle. “I don’t have time for a girlfriend. Nor the patience for one,” he replied. The brunette hummed across from him. “What about you?”

The other shook his head. “I haven’t had much luck with girls…” he said with a sad smile.

Kyo looked at him for a moment without saying anything, watching as the younger went back to drinking his coffee as if nothing had been said. “How do you do that?” the blonde asked suddenly. Ruki looked up in question. “How can you stand to smile about depressing things that have happened to you like they didn’t hurt you at all? How do you manage to keep such a cheerful attitude toward everything when there’s hardly anything to be happy about?” Kyo demanded. His tone wasn’t angry, just genuinely confused. They sat, frozen, as the younger blinked at him in surprise.

Ruki looked down at his drink. He pulled at the long green straw and bit his bottom lip. “I don’t smile about everything… I can’t smile at everything,” he said quietly. “Sure, my relationships have ended badly but they were fun while they lasted. I still want a happy ending of my own someday, as girly as that sounds. There are plenty of things to be happy about if you take the time to find them. And I’ve learned that nothing comes from being gloomy toward everything because that’s how you miss out on some of the important things,” the brunette then said bluntly.  “Isn’t there anything you have to be happy about?”

The blonde looked at his tattooed hands in thought. “I suppose…”

“So act like it.”

Kyo chuckled. “Yes, sir.”  Ruki gave a mock scowl and flicked whipped cream at him from the end of his straw. He couldn’t help but join in when the elder only laughed harder.

The two short men walked along their route for the day, currently making their way through a family park. What little was left of Ruki’s drink was being held leisurely in the brunette’s hand. The pastries had been finished back at the café before they had continued on their way. Being with Ruki made Kyo forget all about the dregs of his depressing work. He smiled more often than he had for a long time, laughed at more things, and had done things he had never done before—as well as been to places he had never been until he had met the younger man.

The streets were lined with small cherry blossom trees and flower bushes. Children giggled and screamed as they ran through the playground with their friends. Some were being pushed on the swings by their siblings or parents, others were showing off their skills, and a few families sat on the green grass with picnic baskets and their dogs. Preparations were being made for the upcoming mid-summer festival all through town. Stores were bringing out special merchandise for the event and decorating their displays with fitting pieces. Groups of girls would pass by, eagerly talking about the special kimonos they would wear or what they had planned to do with their dates. Many parents were hoping for good weather so they could spend the day with their children.

“Are you going to the festival next week?” Ruki asked the elder after a particular group had passed them in the park.

The blonde shook his head. “I have work.”

“What do you do for work?” the younger asked eagerly.

“I…help people get their affairs in order before they move on…” he said hesitantly.

Ruki furrowed a brow. “You write wills?”

Kyo shook his head. “I help them with really last-minute things…”

“Huh…” the brunette mused.

“Are you going to go? To the festival, I mean.”

This time it was Ruki who hesitated. “I don’t know…”

The elder gave a small smile. “Work?”

“I don’t have a job,” Ruki said quickly. “It…depends on what my family is doing. Sometimes we go out of town to see relatives instead,” he explained with a nervous chuckle. Kyo hummed in reply. He couldn’t help but feel the other was hiding something from him, but Kyo wasn’t one to pry if the person didn’t want to tell. “Maybe we can go to the next festival together?” Ruki suggested as they continued walking.

“Maybe,” Kyo shrugged. “I’ll see if I can get work off. I don’t usually like going to festivals, though, because of the crowds. And I think it’s stupid to…” The blonde’s words were stopped mid-sentence when what was left of Ruki’s drink fell to the ground with a clatter of plastic. He watched in shock as the brunette lowered himself to his knees, hands shaking as he grasped at his chest, breath labored and shallow. “Are you okay?” Kyo asked, kneeling down beside the other in worry.

Ruki clutched at his head. “Yeah,” he said with a small chuckle as if he had done something silly. “I just…lost all feeling in my legs all of a sudden and…my hand had a muscle spasm,” he explained. The younger gave a whimper of pain and cringed.

“Well, is there anything I can do?” the other asked earnestly.

The brunette shook his head, reaching into his bag for a bottle of water, producing a bottle of medicine moments after. He quickly swallowed two pills and put them back in his bag before Kyo could see the label. “I’ll be fine. Um, can you help me sit down for a few minutes?” Ruki asked sheepishly. Kyo nodded wordlessly and helped the younger to his feet before guiding him to the nearest park bench. “I should go home…” the other mumbled heavily. He sat down with Kyo’s help, some feeling returning to his legs. The blonde picked up the forgotten coffee cup and threw it away in the nearest trashcan. “I’m sorry about this,” Ruki apologized when the elder sat down.

“Don’t worry about it. You should go home if you don’t feel well.” Kyo did his best not to seem disappointed in the brunette having to leave in the middle of their plans. “Maybe, if you’re feeling better, we can meet at our park later tonight?” he suggested hopefully.

Ruki gave a radiant smile. “I’d like that.”

 

Shinya stared at the stranger in his apartment talking to his roommate. Toshiya giggled at something the other whispered. The man had shaggy black hair, high cheekbones  and dark brown eyes. He had a kind and gentle smile. _Toshiya seems to trust him well enough…_ Toshiya looked over at him and smiled widely. “You’re home! I want you to meet Kaoru Niikura, my new coworker,” the raven grinned at his friend, dragging him out of the doorway. “Kaoru, this is my roommate and best friend, Shinya.”

“Nice to meet you,” Kaoru smiled as he bowed at the auburn. “Toshiya talks about you a lot.”

Shinya gave a nervous smile. “Nice to meet you…”

“I’ll see you at work, Totchi,” Kaoru said to the taller of the two, gave a final bow, and left.

“Bye!” Toshiya called after him. He then turned to Shinya with a large smile. “I think I’ve met my ‘someone special’,” the elder told him, color rising to his cheeks. Shinya blinked at him in shock.


	5. Chapter 5

Die looked around the crowded greenery in search of his target.  He was on his last case for the day, an old man in his late 80’s, but the brunette really wished the setting wasn’t so public. Yoyogi Park was always full of tourists, families with kids, and lots of noise. Sometimes there was a small, amateur band performing in the pavilion. Picnic blankets were laid out under the trees on the grass, though there were less people than normal that day because of the cool October weather. If one was on the west side of the park they would be subject to barking dogs running around in the fenced area made for them. Yoyogi Park was one of the few public parks in Tokyo where dogs could run off-leash, making Die wonder how far some dog owners traveled to go there. The day was sunny with a steady breeze. Leaves swayed on their branches, turning into brilliant fall colors and dancing through the park with the wind. In less than a month the leaves would be dead and the bare trees would be decorated with dozens of hanging lights for Christmas. Die sighed; why couldn’t he focus on the good things during work instead of noticing everything related to death?

The brunette stopped when he saw an old man sitting alone on a bench under the shade of a tree. His head was balding save for a little white on the top, his old form bent over with age and hard work, and even from a distance Die could see his eyes were sad and had seen many things.  He watched a while longer as the man looked out at the families enjoying their picnics, the children running and laughing without a care in the world. He saw the sadness creep into his worn features when an elderly couple walked past him. Die knew that the man had lost his wife to cancer over ten years ago. The brunette took a deep breath to calm himself and slowly made his way to the bench. Die stopped in front of the old man toward the side so as not to block his view but still close enough to be noticed. The man kept his eyes out on the crowds.

“You’re a shinigami, aren’t you?” he said in a gravelly voice.

The brunette nodded. “Yes.”

“My wife told me you’d come… Before she died, she said you would come to see me when it was time…” the man said with a heavy sigh. Die said nothing as he stood looking at the other. “I’m going to die…” It wasn’t meant as a question, and there was no fear in the old man’s voice. He took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders, before letting it out slowly. “I’m ready.”

Die nodded again. “That’s why I’m here,” he said.

“When will it happen?” the man asked.

“Tonight…” the brunette began. “In your sleep, without pain.”

The old man gestured for the other to sit beside him. Die sat down, shoving his hands in his coat pockets, looking out at the crowd as well. “Without pain…” the man repeated. “Like my Kimiko… My dear Kimiko… Did she go to heaven? Do you know?” The man tore his eyes away from the crowd to look at the younger man beside him, his face earnest for an answer.

The other gave a soft smile. “Yes, she did. And she’s waiting for you.”

A bright smile formed on the man’s lips as tears welled in his eyes. He nodded, then, and stood slowly from the bench. “I think I’ll go eat something sweet. Maybe something Kimiko used to make me,” he mused to the other. The man turned to the brunette. “Thank you.”

Die bowed as deeply as he could. He watched with a small smile as the man walked out of the park. The sadness had lifted from his eyes. The brunette stood, stretching his legs. Something told him he was being watched. Slowly the man turned around, eyes widening when he saw a frozen auburn haired man staring at him in shock. Die’s heart ran violently. “Shinya…”  The younger man looked at the brunette without saying a word. Die could see how irregular the auburn’s breathing was. Shopping bags were in danger of falling to the ground with the intensity of his shaking. “Shinya, can you hear me?” the brunette ventured. Shinya blinked rapidly at his words, brow creasing in confusion. “I think you need to sit down,” Die suggested gently.  Slowly the brunette closed the distance between them and reached out to take the younger by the arm. Thankfully the other didn’t shy away at his touch. Die led the shaking man to the park bench, the auburn nearly falling down in the process, putting the shopping bags on the ground where they would be safe. Then he sat down as well, looking at Shinya’s shocked form in concern. How much had the other heard? What was he going to say? Die felt fear he had never felt experienced before—all about what someone else was going to say.

The silence seemed to last forever. Both men simply stared out in front of them, but only the brunette paid attention to their surroundings. He was sure Shinya was going through everything that had gone on during their time together, putting the pieces where they belonged, and processing the information. When Shinya finally spoke his voice was surprisingly calm.

“You’re a Death God…” the auburn said.

Die sighed. “Yes.”

“So when you said you might be the devil…”

“I’m not the devil,” the elder interceded quickly. “I am… the Head Shinigami. I don’t collect souls and drag them down to hell. I didn’t lie when I said I help people right before they die. It helps people to know how and when their time is going to run out.”

Shinya nodded slowly.  “That man… looked happy after you talked to him.”

The brunette gave a small chuckle. “He’s going to be reunited with his wife.”

“How do you know when people are ready?”

“We have files—cases—that appear by themselves to be processed. Shou is a “processor,” actually… We live in another dimension—another world. We can travel from one world to the next whenever we want to or need to. When I met you in the alley…”

“Someone was going to die.”

Die took a deep breath. “Yes… A gang came into the apartment and killed someone. If Tora and I hadn’t been there they might have seen you… I couldn’t let that happen.”

Shinya finally turned to face him. “Am I going to die?”

The brunette gave a warm smile, sending that warm tingle up the younger man’s spine. “No, Shinya. You are very much full of life. I can’t take life away…or give it…”

The auburn looked at him, searching his handsome face for a clue to what emotion he was hiding. “Are you dead?” he asked softly.

Die stared into Shinya’s questioning grey eyes in surprise.  What kind of answer was Shinya looking for? “Close your eyes,” the brunette said, almost in a whisper. Again, an invisible power in the older man’s voice made Shinya obey without a thought. _I can’t say no to him_ …  His eyes closed and Die slowly reached up. Shinya felt nimble fingers running through his hair. “Can you feel that?” Die asked. Shinya nodded.  The fingers trailed down his neck and along his collarbone. “This?” Another nod. A hand stopped on his own. “Tell me what you feel.”

Shinya thought for a moment. “Warmth… Soft… And your thumb has its pulse.” His hand was lifted out and up until his fingers touched just under the other man’s jaw. “Bone… Heat…” His hand moved again, down this time, until it came to rest flat against smooth muscle. Shinya felt his heart jump.

“What about now?”

The auburn took a breath. “Your heart.”

“Am I dead?”

This time he shook his head. His eyes slowly fluttered open again, meeting the dark brown pools of the other man. “You’re real… How does someone become a shinigami?”

Die’s expression darkened. “You have to die…and choose to become one…”

Shinya’s eyes widened. “But… But that means you…” The heavy sigh that left the brunette was the answer Shinya needed.  Shinya clasped the brunette’s hand in his. “What happened?” he asked gently.

The elder shrugged. “Car accident. A drunk driver ran a stop sign near my house. When I woke up, I was at the office. Someone explained what was going on and it was easy for me to accept it. They told me that, since I had died before my time, I could choose to go back or stay as a shinigami. It wasn’t long before I was made the leader,” he explained. “I’ve been doing this job for ten years…”

The younger blinked. “That means you were only eighteen.”

“Mm…”

Shinya thought back to what Die had said. “You decided to stay…?” The brunette nodded and hummed again. “Why?”

Die was silent for a moment as he thought of an answer. “I think it’s because I didn’t have a reason not to; I had nothing to live for. But… if I had gone back and met you… I might have had something to live for,” he said quietly, turning to look at the auburn haired man at the end. Shinya felt his cheeks grow hot at the elder’s words. He looked down at his hands quickly to get away from the other’s intense gaze. He heard Die chuckle and mutter the word ‘cute’, only making Shinya blush more.

Suddenly the younger man sat up a little straighter. “Is something wrong with me that makes me able to see you? Am I the only one who can see you besides your cases?” he asked suddenly.

The brunette laughed. “No, there’s nothing wrong with you. Everyone can see me. Toshiya could see Tora, couldn’t he?”

“Oh…” Shinya felt a little stupid for not remembering that fact.

Die gave a heavy sigh. “This must seem like all kinds of unreal to you… You’ve been having regular outings with a God of Death. The God of Death, to be precise.” The auburn lowered his head, confirming the elder’s words. “Maybe you’re afraid of me now… but I want you to know that I would never hurt you,” Die said with a firm tone. “I can’t.” Shinya looked up into his earnest expression. He already knew Die would never hurt him. He didn’t know how, but he did. Suddenly, the brunette stood from his seat on the bench. “I have to go.”

Shinya looked up at his worried expression. “More work?” he quirked.

“No,” the elder shook his head. “I need to give you time… to think about everything and let them sink in. Go home,” he told the younger man. “I’ll leave you alone.”

The auburn haired man stared at him in shock. _Alone_ …? “You won’t disappear, will you?” Shinya asked before he could stop himself, almost reaching out to take hold of the sleeve of Die’s jacket to keep him there.

Die turned to him. Slowly he reached down to run his fingers through the other’s soft hair. Shinya’s eyes nearly closed at the touch. “No… I’ll be back.”

“When?”

“I don’t know.” Die withdrew his hand and placed it back in his pocket. He gave the other a small smile before walking away, leaving Shinya alone on the park bench. Shinya traced the path of Die’s fingers through his hair, wishing with a sigh to have the gentle touch back again.

The slender man pressed a hand over the sudden aching in his heart. _What’s wrong with me…_?

 

When Toshiya came home from work that night Shinya was sitting on the couch with his knees to his chest, a mug of tea in his hands that had gone cold nearly an hour ago, staring ahead of him at the blank television screen. The black haired man paused when he entered from the foyer, raising a brow at his roommate. He looked from the auburn’s stoic expression to the blank screen and back again. Toshiya knew Shinya only became like this when there was something he really needed to think about. The taller man set his things on the armchair before walking over to the younger. Gently he removed the frozen drink from the other’s hands, made his way into the kitchen, and prepared a fresh cup. When that was finished he found something light to snack on in the refrigerator. Toshiya set the snacks on the coffee table and held out the hot mug to his friend. Shinya took it without a word but gave a small hum in thanks. “What’s bothering you?” the elder asked.

Shinya gave a heavy sigh, brow creasing in thought as he let it out.

Toshiya raised his brow again. “Oh, really? That troubling, huh?” he mused.

“It’s confusing…” the auburn said. “I just… don’t know what I should think…”

The elder sat down in the armchair behind him. “Is this about Dai?” he asked gently. Shinya sighed and nodded. “Is it…bad?” Shinya thought for a few moments, then shook his head. “So what’s wrong?”

“Everything I knew about him is a lie,” the auburn said quickly. “Well, not everything but most of it.  I’m not angry at him about it, though. I just don’t know how things are going to change now… or if they even are. I’m not going to see him for a while…”

“What? Why?” Toshiya asked with a creased brow. “I thought you weren’t angry at him.”

“It’s just so I have time to think things over… Dai’s idea, actually…”

“Huh… How much time do you think it’ll take?”

Shinya shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I’ll just go through life like always until I figure things out.”

Toshiya shifted in his seat. “Are you going to contact him once you’ve thought things through?”

The auburn’s eyes widened. Suddenly he scoffed and gave a bitter laugh. “I don’t have any way to get a hold of him. I never have…” _At least now I know why_.

“Then how have you been spending time with him?”

“Pre-planned a week in advance.”

“So…” Toshiya said slowly, “you have to wait for him to just show up somewhere.” The younger nodded. “Hmm… Well, if you’re not angry about it then there’s no contention between you. He obviously means a lot to you—and you really care about him—seeing as you don’t care that he’s been hiding things from you. Just take some time to think things over. It’ll work out,” the black haired man smiled softly.

Shinya gave a deep sigh. “Yeah…” he said with a small smile, blushing slightly at indirectly admitting he had strong feelings for the brunette. “Thanks, Toshiya.” The elder beamed at him. “Are you and Kaoru official yet?” he asked.

This time Toshiya blushed. “Not yet… I’m not sure how he feels about us—about me. I’ve never been one to confess first so…”

“Mm,” the younger hummed. “I know what you mean.” The auburn haired man finished his drink, sighing as the warm liquid ran down his throat and through his chest. He stood to take the mug to the kitchenette. “I’m going to take a bath. Do you need to shower or bathe first?”

Toshiya shook his head. “No; you go ahead. I’m going to watch a show while I make dinner. You probably haven’t eaten yet, have you?”

Shinya smiled. “It’s a good thing you’re willing to take such good care of me.”

 

The auburn haired man stepped slowly into the hot water in the large, deep bathtub, sighing at the warmth as he submerged his body completely. The bath had always been his favorite place to think—to be, even. The hot water felt so soothing and there were no other sounds but his breathing. It was easy to slip into thought, like he often did, and often times get carried away with them. But sometimes he needed the bath to clear his head. He needed to be able to think things through about Dai. What was he going to do? What was going to change? Was anything going to change?

Shinya gave a deep sigh and leaned his head back against the edge of the tub. Dai hadn’t lied to him. He hadn’t told Shinya everything, either, but the younger could understand why. He understood a lot of things now that he didn’t before. He understood why they could only meet if it was planned ahead. He understood why he was so drawn to the brunette. But Shinya still didn’t understand all of his feelings for the other man. What were they? How deep did they run? _How long will it be until I see him again_ …? _And how does he feel about me? He seemed scared to see me... but I suppose that’s no surprise. And why did he look so sad when he said he couldn’t give life? What is he hiding? Ch. He probably wouldn’t tell me even if I asked. It’s probably too personal_ …

The frail man huffed in frustration. _I’m doing it again_ , he scolded himself. _I’m blowing things out of proportion. Thinking too much_. “But what am I going to do?” the auburn voiced aloud into the silence. His voice rang slightly off the tiled walls. _I wonder how long it will be before I see him again. It doesn’t worry me that he’s a shinigami. I’m not dying; he said so himself. So what does worry me_? Shinya pondered the question to himself, closing his eyes with another sigh. His mind raced with memories of Dai. The brunette’s charming smile flashed the most, sending warm shivers through his body, while his deep voice caused him to nearly melt. A hand came up to run through his hair like Dai often did with an affectionate gleam in his eyes; his dark, brown eyes that looked straight through him. Shinya felt his heart throb in pain.

“How am I going to be able to live without seeing him?”

 


	6. Chapter 6

Kyo shuffled his feet as he waited under the falling leaves of a tree.  October was coming to an end soon, and fast, which meant all kinds of cases would be piling in during the holidays. The blonde gave an inner groan at the thought of more work during a time they should be allowed to relax, but there was only one thing Kyo could even  think of doing over Christmas and he knew that wasn’t going to happen. “Kyo!” a cheerful voice called and the blonde looked over to see a brunette waving at him down the park path. Kyo smiled, giving a small wave back before walking to meet the other halfway.

“Hey,” he smiled when the two men were face to face.

“Hi. It’s been a while,” Ruki greeted. The elder nodded. “How have you been?”

“Busy, but okay. You?”

The brunette shrugged. “Not too bad, I guess. What do you want to do today?”

Kyo thought for a moment. “Any movies you want to see?”

“Yeah!” Ruki lit up at the thought before pulling out a list of movies and their show times at the nearest theater from his pocket. “I think this one looks interesting. It’s about a group of demons trying to live in the human world, and one of them has a really big secret.”

The dirty blonde blinked momentarily at the description. It was un-amusingly ironic. Oh, well. It would give him a chance to be with Ruki in a relaxed setting. “Sounds good. I’ve never been to that theater, though, so you’ll have to lead the way.”

“No problem,” the younger chuckled.

The walk to the movie theater was less than twenty minutes. The men paid for their tickets, their own drinks, and Ruki bought a large bucket of popcorn for them to share. The theater their show was in was almost completely empty when they went in, giving them a large choice of seating. Kyo simply followed Ruki to wherever he wanted to go. A few couples were in the very front rows of the theater and several small groups dotted the rest of the rows.

“This is nice…” Kyo mused to break the silence between them.

“Mhmm,” the other hummed. “I didn’t have them put a lot of butter in here so it’s not as greasy, by the way,” he added gesturing to the popcorn. “And don’t make me eat it all myself. I’m fat enough already.”

Kyo looked at him incredulously. “You’re not fat! I’m heavier than you are.”

Ruki gave a smile and a chuckle. “You’re sweet.” Kyo blushed at that, grateful the theater was already dark so the younger couldn’t see. “Oh, it’s starting!”

The beginning of the movie showed lush, fantasy-like scenery with olden time villages and farms. That was obviously the demon world. The main characters were introduced one by one and soon the group of demons was shown entering a modern-day Osaka. Kyo lost interest while the demons found a place to live and “studied” the way humans interacted with each other. Instead he glanced at the brunette beside him. Ruki was completely relaxed, eyes watching the screen intently, his handsome face bathed in the blue glow coming from the large screen. He sat completely still, arms on his lap and legs crossed. The brunette’s breathing was deep and calm but Kyo could still tell he was excited to be there by the look on his face. After a few minutes the dirty blonde turned back to the screen, doing his best to stay focused on what was going on. It seemed like ages since he had been to the movies…

To Kyo’s relief the movie wasn’t as cheesy and bland as he thought it would be. The characters had great dialogue. The two men laughed at some of the crude humor and funny faces people made. When the plot began to pick up more the characters were shown in fight scenes with other demons who were causing trouble in the human world. There was even a forest scene during the night that could make someone’s adrenaline run faster. Ruki gave a jolt when something jumped out from the trees and Kyo couldn’t help but smile to himself. The main character’s secret was becoming more and more complex, leading the group of demons and their human friends on a long journey to uncover the mystery behind it. Kyo had to admit a lot of the elements were painfully cliché.

The blonde and the brunette were so engrossed in the movie their actions were subconscious. They didn’t even think when they took a drink from their cups or reached into the popcorn between them. Kyo dipped his hand into the bucket and froze when another set of fingers wrapped around his. He turned to look at Ruki slowly, who gave a slightly nervous smile. The brunette squeezed the elder’s fingers before withdrawing his hand. Kyo removed his hand as well and, before Ruki could place it back on his lap, took the younger man’s hand in his with a firmer grip. The elder turned back to the screen to retain his calm composure, but Ruki was busy hiding the color on his cheeks behind his hair. Their hands were locked for the rest of the film.

When the lights went on in the theater again the two men unlocked hands and headed out of the theater. “Did you like the movie?” Ruki asked.

Kyo nodded. “I think they did a good job of not making it overly cheesy.”

The brunette nodded. “I thought the makeup and costumes were done really well to tell the demons apart from the humans.”

“Yeah, they were,” the other agreed. “Are you hungry for some real food yet?”

“No, I’m good for a while,” Ruki smiled. He jumped slightly when his phone rang in his pocket with a message. Kyo waited as the brunette read the email. “Wanna go to my house?”

The dirty blonde looked at him wide eyed. “What?”

“Just to talk. My parents aren’t home right now so you don’t have to worry about being uncomfortable by anything they say. And we have plenty of food in case you get hungry.”

Kyo thought for a moment, studying the other. Ruki himself looked a little apprehensive about the idea. But they couldn’t think of anything else to do and it had been quite a while since Kyo had been in a normal household setting. “Sure.”

 

Ruki led the blonde into the foyer of his home, closing the door behind them. They took off their shoes and the brunette led the other into the living room. The house was decorated with modern furniture, the walls a bright white and the windows reaching from the floor to the ceiling. Kyo could tell it was a fairly new building—and that Ruki’s family was well off. “Have a seat,” the younger smiled, gesturing to the large couch. Kyo nodded and did so. “I’ll be right back,” the other said before running down the hall. The elder could hear things being rearranged in the bathroom and another room further down. Ruki was probably just cleaning up. “Sorry about that,” the brunette apologized when he came back. The elder shook his head in dismissal as Ruki joined him.

“What do your parents do?”

“My father is a lawyer and my mother is the dean of a university. They wanted to be able to give their kids the best opportunities when it came to education and stuff like that so… I guess they decided really high-rank jobs were the way to go about it.”

Kyo hummed in thought. His eyes caught a picture frame on the end table next to him. “Who’s in this picture with you?”

Ruki leaned over to look at it. “That’s my older brother.”

“You’re the youngest?”

“Yeah, of two. He’s off and married already…”

“What does he do for a living?”

“He’s an architect. His wife stays at home with the kids.”

Kyo raised a brow at him. “Why aren’t you in a prestigious line of work? Nothing you want to do?” he quirked.

The brunette shook his head with a small smile. “I just want to live life in a way that makes me happy,” he replied. The dirty blonde looked at him silently, unable to shake the feeling that Ruki was hiding something again. “What about you? Tell me about your family,” the younger smiled.

The other sighed. “I have two siblings, a brother and a sister. I don’t know what they do for work. I’m the second child. My parents don’t do anything impressive for work, either, so… our families are complete opposites.”

“Well… our family’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Don’t worry about it,” Ruki smiled warmly. Kyo couldn’t help but return the gesture.

The blonde and the brunette sat and talked for several hours without a care. Once again it was Ruki who did most of the talking, but it was definitely the most Kyo had ever talked about himself to anyone in a long while. Ruki gave him a tour of the house—without showing the other his bedroom—and when the elder got hungry they moved into the kitchen where the brunette made him a large meal. Kyo usually never ate such fancy foods but Ruki acted like it was nothing so he didn’t feel as uncomfortable as he normally would have. They settled again on the couch and Kyo wondered at the absolute sense of “home” that had come over him. He always had that feeling around Ruki. It was as if being with the brunette made him forget everything; made him feel like he belonged.

Sleep began washing over the dirty blonde. Without a care of being out of character Kyo lie down on the couch with his head resting against the brunette’s thigh. Whatever Ruki was talking about faded into nothingness as he drifted into dreamland, a content sigh leaving him at the feel of nimble fingers running through his hair. Ruki stopped talking once the elder was definitely asleep, fingers running through the elder’s soft hair, and began humming a song instead. He couldn’t help but smile at the endearing way Kyo had fallen asleep on him. This was also the first –and probably last—time Ruki would see the other man so at peace. Soon his own eyes drifted shut with sleep.

Kyo jerked awake from his dream, looking ahead of him in a daze before realizing it had been a nightmare. Then he sat up enough to look around him and up at the waking brunette. “Oh, god, I’m so sorry,” the dirty blonde apologized when he remembered what had happened.

“It’s okay,” the younger said hoarsely as he rubbed his eyes. “What time is it…?”

Kyo looked at the clock in the living room. “Five minutes until three.”

Suddenly Ruki was wide awake. “Oh, shit!” he cursed and sprung up from the couch. “My mom is going to be home any minute. You have to go.” The brunette rushed into the foyer, coming back into the living room with Kyo’s shoes in hand. The elder put his shoes on as quickly as he could. The two jumped when they heard a car pull into the garage. “Hurry!” Ruki urged.

“Did you go to the festival a couple weeks ago?” Kyo asked.

“No, why?”

“Neither did I.”

A door opened at the end of the foyer. “Ruki, I’m home!” a woman’s voice called.

“Quick, go out the back,” the brunette whispered and the two rushed to the patio door.

“Let’s go to the Chrysanthemum Festival together,” Kyo said.

“That’s for tourists.”

“So?”

“Ruki, are you here?” the woman called again.

Ruki glanced back inside. “In the garden, mom!” He turned to Kyo again. “Okay. November 6, 7 o’clock at Bunkyo Park.”

Kyo flashed a broad smile before running through the garden and down the street.

 

Three weeks had passes since Shinya had last met Dai. They had gone by like blurs; slow, boring, blurs. The auburn haired man was quieter than normal, except for the frequent sighs of disappointment, and he barely talked to his roommate. Toshiya was hardly ever home lately anyway because work was getting busier for him so when the black haired man came home he was so tired there was nothing much to say. Shinya spent his time at home cleaning or reading. He tried to find anything and everything possible to distract him from the fact that he had no social life anymore. It was rather saddening to have realized that, aside from his roommate, Dai had been the only social life Shinya had even had. And now Dai was gone, Toshiya was hardly ever around, and Shinya was alone.

Shinya had already made up his mind about what he was going to tell Dai. He knew how he felt—for the most part—and was anxious to get things back to the way they were. Sometimes change was good; meeting Dai was a good change. Other times change was bad, like not seeing Dai for weeks on end without knowing when they would meet again. Shinya hated it. He hated this change because it was keeping him away from someone he wanted to be with. Every time he thought too much about it he ended up mentally slapping himself in the face for acting like a love-struck schoolgirl.

He hadn’t been sleeping well, either. His nights were either dreamless or full of nightmares. Different scenes of Dai’s death played in his head over and over again. The auburn could barely drag himself around the house because he wasn’t getting any rest. Work seemed to drag on longer than normal, and a coworker had caught the frail man sleeping on the counter several times. Thankfully, no customers had been around to witness them. Shinya barely took the time to eat because he didn’t remember to. His thinning form was going unnoticed by both men in the apartment and nothing was being done about it.

The auburn came home from work one night, barely able to stand, slipping his shoes off before leaving the foyer. He had barely reached the living room when a taller body collided with his own. “Shinya!” Toshiya exclaimed with his arms around the younger man.

Shinya staggered backwards from the force, managing to regain his balance before hitting the wall behind him. “Toshiya?!” The auburn blinked when he noticed the other man shaking in his arms and tears soaking his shoulder.

“He loves me; Kaoru loves me!” the black haired man sobbed with joy. “He told me about half an hour ago and I haven’t been able to stop crying. I’m so happy!” Toshiya said.

“Congratulations,” the younger managed.

Toshiya pulled away and wiped his eyes. “Sorry. I couldn’t wait to tell you! Here I was, thinking he didn’t even notice me the same way I noticed him, just to find out he’s loved me pretty much the whole time! I’m just glad I didn’t break down in tears while he was still here.” The taller man’s brow furrowed suddenly. “Shinya, have you lost weight?”

The younger thought about the question as he looked down at his stomach. “Have I?”

The other placed his hands at Shinya’s sides where his ribs were. “Yeah, you have… I can feel your ribs easier than before. Haven’t you been feeding yourself?”

Shinya blushed. “I’ve been..preoccupied…” he murmured.

Toshiya looked up at him in question, then gave a sympathetic frown. “No word from Dai yet?” The younger shook his head. “Cheer up, okay? I’m sure he’ll contact you soon. Come on! Let’s go eat.”

“B-But I just got home,” the other protested.

“So? We’re going to celebrate!” the black haired man grinned. Shinya knew it was useless to resist, but he was glad to have some alone time with his friend again. When the two men arrived at home again they had eaten their fill and bought groceries on the way back. Toshiya was determined to get the other back to the weight he was—if not higher. The auburn haired man followed without a word as the elder led him into his bedroom where he proceeded to talk his roommate to sleep. It was also Toshiya who woke him up in the morning. “Shinya! Shinya, come on; wake up. You have mail,” he said in a rush.

The slender  man groaned as he raised himself into a sitting position. “What is it…?” he asked in a groggy voice.

“A card. No address. But something tells me you’ll want to read it now.”

Shinya’s brow creased as he reached for the envelope in Toshiya’s hands. He opened the flap and pulled out a thin piece of paper with neat handwriting. ‘The beach after seven. Dress warmly; it’s cold. Die.’ The auburn’s eyes widened. His heart raced and his hands shook.

Toshiya gave a knowing smile. “Be patient,” he reminded the other. He giggled as his roommate rushed out of the room to get ready even though he had the entire day to do so.

 

Shinya ran toward the beach as quickly as he could. It was already seven o’clock, and even though the note said “after seven” he still didn’t want to be late. The night was dark and cold so he had made sure to wear a warm coat and a scarf. His breath came out in short puffs of white against the black of the barely-lit streets. Shinya’s steps slowed when his feet reached the sand of an empty beach. The auburn haired man looked around for signs of the brunette, the icy air hitting his lungs as he tried to regain his breathing.

His eyes settled on the black waves ahead of him. The first time he had met Die here the water had been a warm shade of gold. Now it was pitch black save for the reflecting stars and city lights. Still, it was just as peaceful now as it had been then. Shinya had always liked the ocean. He loved the calm beauty of the surface, able to hide so much in its deepest depths, and he loved the soothing sound of waves rolling on the sand. The man took a deep breath and closed his eyes. How long ago had it been since he had taken the time to listen to the water? He had met Die almost three months ago in this exact spot. So many things had changed in their short time together. What more would change?

A deep shiver up his spine made Shinya gasp. “Don’t move,” a familiar voice told him and Shinya did as told. He even kept his eyes closed as a pair of strong arms wrapped around his chest. A warm breath tickled his neck. Die’s head was buried in his strawberry scented hair. “I had to see you,” the brunette spoke quietly. Shinya’s heart jumped. “I had to be near life. So many deaths…” the elder whispered sadly. His hold on Shinya tightened. “I miss you.”

Shinya placed a gloved hand on the other man’s. “I miss you, too…”

“You’re so warm…” Die breathed.

The auburn haired man had no idea how long they stood there, in silence, Die’s arms wrapped around him. He almost didn’t want to say anything and ruin the moment. So many questions ran in his head. Shinya felt Die’s head shift on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I was gone for so long. It’s just that work…”

“It’s okay,” Shinya interceded quickly. “You didn’t disappear, like you promised.”

The brunette gave a warm chuckle. “No… I won’t disappear.”

More silence followed. Shinya’s fingers felt like they were twitching with jitters. Soon his entire being was tingling with the urge to see Die’s face. Thankfully all the auburn had to do was shift slightly and the elder released his hold.  Shinya took the chance to turn around to face him. His breath caught in his lungs when his eyes locked with dark brown depths. The younger man took off his gloves and shoved them in his coat pockets before slowly reaching up until his fingers touched the brunette’s cheek. Die’s eyes closed as the auburn’s fingers traced his jaw line. A shiver ran through him when they ran along his neck like he had made Shinya do in the park weeks ago, but this touch was so different. He looked steadily into the younger’s grey eyes as the hand moved back up. Then both of Shinya’s hands were on his face, tracing the outer curves with almost hesitant fingers, until they slowly pulled away.

Shinya looked up at him without a word, his brow creasing with pain he was trying to hide. “I missed you so much,” the auburn gasped with a shaky breath before wrapping his arms around the elder’s chest. Die blinked in shock at the act. Shinya’s face was pressed against his shoulder so the other couldn’t see, his hands clinging tightly to the fabric of his coat at his shoulders. The frail man’s entire body shook against him.

Die wrapped his arms around Shinya’s shoulders again, holding him closer, a hand coming to rest on the back of his head. He never wanted to let go just like Shinya never wanted him to. The brunette breathed in the strawberry shampoo lingering on the other’s hair. It felt like home. Everything in that moment felt right. A voice called for him inside his head. “Shinya… I have to go.” The other’s grip on his coat tightened in silent protest. “I promise I’ll be back. I’ll come find you. It’s going to be okay,” the brunette assured him. Slowly he pulled back from the other’s arms to look at him, a gentle smile on his lips. “I won’t disappear.” He then ran his fingers through the auburn hair, heart fluttering when Shinya’s eyes closed and a sigh left his lips, and left.

Shinya felt the presence of Die’s fingers leave his hair and the air went colder. When he opened his eyes he was all alone on the beach. The auburn gave a heavy sigh. “He promised…” he reminded himself. With a small smile on his lips Shinya put his gloves back on his hands and headed home.

 

Kyo looked at his watch and gave a heavy sigh. Ruki was almost half an hour late. The festival would be starting soon. Tourists were already crowding the park entrance. The dirty blonde had been looking forward to this for more than a week. He had finally gotten a night off so he and Ruki could spend it together. Did Ruki forget about him? _No; he wouldn’t do that_ , Kyo sighed. _I’m sure he has a good reason for being late…_

Slowly the tattooed man sat down on the nearest unoccupied bench to wait. He didn’t look at his watch again, knowing time would only go by slower if he kept checking it. The throng of tourists crowded into the festival area right before his eyes. Kyo shivered in the cold, pulling his coat tighter around his body to no avail. An hour passed…then another…and another. There was no sign of Ruki. The festival lights went out one by one until the dirty blonde was left all alone in darkness. Kyo sat up from his spot on the park bench and slowly made his way down the street, already numbing himself to the pain he felt.


	7. Chapter 7

Ruki shoved his shoes on his feet as quickly as he could, nearly tripping over himself on his way to the door. His mother shouted protests from the hall. “Ruki, no! Don’t be rash, dear. Something could happen to you!” she urged in concern.

The brunette shoved a small bottle into his jean pocket. “I don’t care! I have to tell him what happened,” he muttered.

“At least put on your coat and scarf; it’s cold outside!”

Ruki grabbed the articles of clothing off their hanger, putting them on with lightning speed. The door slammed shut behind him as he rushed out into the darkening streets. _He has to be there_ , Ruki told himself. _That’s where he always waits. I have to tell him_! His feet bound through the streets faster than he could remember, determined to reach his destination no matter what. Only one thing ran through his mind: Finding Kyo.

The brunette sped up when his favorite park was finally in sight. It was where he and the blonde had officially met. It was their park because of the memories they shared there. If Kyo wasn’t there all hope would be lost. The cold November air bit at Ruki’s lungs with every shallow breath he took. Adrenaline was keeping his legs going. His throat was dry and begging for water but there was no way Ruki was going to stop until he saw his target.

The park was completely deserted. The tall streetlamps gave the area an eerie glow unbefitting the warm memories surrounding it. Ruki’s feet slowed to a jog as he looked around. He was beginning to lose hope when every bench he found was unoccupied. His chest heaved with every breath he took. Finally, when he reached the far end of the park, he saw a familiar figure leaning against a dying tree.

“Kyo!” Ruki sprinted across the distance with a relieved smile on his lips. The dirty blonde watched him without a word even until they were only a few feet apart. “I found you,” the brunette panted, doubling over slightly to catch his breath. “Thank god…”

Kyo looked at him with an emotionless stare. “You didn’t show up to the festival,” he said.

“I know. I…”

“I had been looking forward to it the entire week. You agreed to it, and then you were the one who didn’t show up,” the elder cut in sharply.

Ruki looked up in slight shock. He had expected the other to be angry. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” Kyo repeated with a scoff. Ruki watched as the other man paced in a small circle before turning to face him again. And when he did his face was even colder with anger. “Do you have any idea how worried I was about you? I waited for hours and there was no sign of you. I thought something had happened to you!” the blonde shouted. The brunette flinched.

“Kyo…”

“What are you going to say, Ruki? That it wasn’t your fault?” the elder said menacingly and Ruki didn’t dare to speak. “Did your parents not let you out after sunset? Are you a little kid who has a curfew? Can’t go out walking by yourself in the dark? Did you break one of your daddy’s rules by coming here? And here I thought you were a spoiled little rich kid who got to do anything he wanted,” Kyo snarled.

A pang of pain hit Ruki’s chest. “You’re lying…” he managed.

The dirty blonde laughed. “I’m lying? You’re the one who’s been keeping things from me this whole time we’ve known each other. You think I don’t see the thoughts hiding behind the words you say sometimes? You think I’m blind?” he demanded.

“No, I…”

“You know, I don’t even care! I don’t care about whatever secrets you have to hide because it’s none of my damn business. But I do care that you don’t keep your promise and then don’t show up anywhere at our usual meeting places for another week afterwards. I was worried about you! So worried I could barely work or keep myself in check so nosey coworkers didn’t bug me about what was on my mind. I thought for sure some sick bastard had grabbed you on your way to the festival and that I was never going to see you again. I thought so many horrible things that I got sick to my stomach over them. You were supposed to meet me! You were the one who set the time! And now you show up with a big smile on your face like you’re happy to see me and nothing happened. Well, it did happen, and I can’t forgive you for the hell it put me through!”

Ruki felt tears well in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to,” he managed to say. “Kyo, I’m sorry.” The brunette gasped when Kyo was suddenly right in front of him, sending icy daggers straight to his heart.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it, Ruki,” the elder hissed.

“W-what do you want me to do? What should I say?” the other asked. “Tell me how to fix this,” he begged in a whisper.

Kyo scoffed and turned away from him. “It doesn’t matter. There’s no point in trying to fix it. The damage is done too deep…”

Ruki’s breathing faltered. “Don’t say that. Don’t leave me all alone to…”

“You left me all alone! God, I must have looked so pathetic to everyone, just sitting there on that bench waiting for someone who was never going to come! You have a family you see every day, Ruki. How in hell are you the one that’s all alone?”

“B-But I… It’s not the same when I’m with you…”

For a moment Kyo’s hard expression softened in shock at the other’s words. Then he regained his cold stare and clenched his fists. “And it’s never going to be.”

The brunette’s eyes widened in fear as Kyo began walking away. Before he could move to try to stop him Ruki’s heart gave a large thud inside his chest. His entire body went cold. A hand dug the small bottle out of his jean pockets but the brunette was shaking so badly he couldn’t open it. Ruki tried getting air into his lungs. He couldn’t breathe. The brunette managed to take one more step toward Kyo’s retreating form, voice stuck in his throat with pain he couldn’t express. Ruki fell to his knees, all feeling gone from his legs, determined to keep his eyes locked on the fading figure. And then his world went black.

 

Kyo made his way through the large mansion with hurried steps. The angry glare on his face must have been more terrifying than he thought because other workers did everything they could to avoid eye contact with him. The dirty blonde barged into his room and slammed the door shut with a loud bang. A frustrated scream left his throat before he sunk to the floor, hands grasping at his hair. “What have I done…?”

The blonde remained shut in his room for days. He didn’t come out to eat and refused to take any cases. Shou had tried to get him out for some air but had given up after almost being hit by flying glass. Even Die didn’t dare go see him. The brunette understood when it was best to leave Kyo be. He knew his friend would come around when he was ready. But when that would be no one could tell. The other workers were busy picking up the cases Kyo wouldn’t take, rushing about and cutting training short for the new-comers. More cases were actually being finished this way but the stress level was growing larger as the holidays closed in.

 

Toshiya smiled at his roommate as the younger man bustled about the kitchen. “I’m glad to see you back to your old self,” he commented from the couch. Shinya simply smiled at him over his shoulder and went back to his cooking. “Whatever time you spent with Die really helped, even if it was only an hour or so,” the elder added.

“I missed him…” Shinya admitted.

“I understand.”

“You’ve been home a lot this week. Why aren’t you going over to Kaoru’s?”

“He’s on a business trip. He might be transferred soon…” The other sighed dejectedly.

The auburn haired man turned to look at him. “So when will you be moving in together?” he asked bluntly.

Toshiya blushed. “He hasn’t asked me yet… Maybe he wants to try a long-distance relationship first,” he voiced.

“Would you be okay with that?”

The taller shrugged. “I wouldn’t have a hard time being faithful if that’s what you mean. And I trust Kaoru so… I don’t think it would be a problem. But if I do move with him, are you going to be alright by yourself? I’m worried you’ll forget to eat. I can’t really count on Die to take care of you since you don’t see him that often.”

Shinya gave him a stern look. “I’m a grown man, Toshiya. I can manage just fine on my own.”

Toshiya raised a brow. “Mhmm…” he scoffed.

“Be quiet and go watch your television show,” the younger dismissed. Toshiya giggled before turning to the television screen again. Shinya continued making dinner, a smile on his face as he thought back to the night on the beach. He hadn’t meant to be so clingy and emotional but he couldn’t help himself. It was the first time he had been in full body contact with Die the entire three months. And Shinya had to admit he liked the feeling. Once again he had no idea when he and Die were going to see each other again, but the brunette had said he would find Shinya. He had promised not to disappear—twice—so it made waiting much easier for the other man. The auburn haired man snapped out of his thoughts for a moment when Toshiya’s show went to commercial.

_“Breaking story for the evening news: a young man’s body was found, unconscious, in the freezing weather at the park near Omotesando Bridge. Details on the man’s condition will be coming later.”_


	8. Chapter 8

Shinya hummed to himself as he tidied the living room, organizing magazines and getting rid of old papers along the way. He rearranged a few decorations and added them to the shelves. Books were put back on the bookshelf where they belonged, movies reorganized, and surfaces dusted or wiped clean. Toshiya was working late through the night into afternoon of the next day so the auburn haired man was home alone with nothing to do but busy himself with housework. He had taken a wonderfully long bubble bath after breakfast (which Toshiya had made for him before leaving for work) and was able to finish the book he had been reading.

The laundry was washed, dried, and hung in the appropriate closet. Dinner had been something Shinya had not had the pleasure of eating for a long time because it was a dish Toshiya didn’t like. In all fairness, however, Toshiya had to miss out on some of his favorite meals because Shinya didn’t like them as well. Now the auburn was finishing up his cleaning project before going to bed. The sky outside was pitch black, hidden by black buildings and neon lights streaming in through the balcony door.  For the better part of the day Shinya had lost track of time, keeping himself busy, which tended to make him feel rather accomplished and satisfied with himself. The frail man finished sorting through the last pile of magazines and stretched, several joints popping in the process. When he glanced at the clock on his phone he found the time to be later than he thought.

With a satisfied exhalation Shinya made his way into his bedroom to change, turning lights off in the process and leaving the apartment in darkness. Shinya took his time getting ready, switching into a pair of night pants and an over-sized t-shirt. He placed his phone on the little dresser by his bed before going to brush his teeth in the powder room down the hall. The auburn haired man remembered leaving a book he was going to read in the living room and made his way into the living room instead. Shinya found the book on the coffee table, reaching down to pick it up when a deep shiver made him stop. It was that familiar shiver that ran all the way down his spine like ice before changing into warmth that flooded his entire body. That shiver only meant one thing.

Shinya stood up and slowly turned around to face the balcony. His eyes widened when he saw a tall figure standing outside. The auburn stared for a moment before realizing the other was standing out in the winter weather. “Die, what are you doing here?” he asked after managing to slide open the balcony door. “How did you get on the balcony?”

“It’s about a 50-50 chance, actually, seeing as you never know if there will even be a balcony,” the brunette replied as he stepped inside.

The younger man closed the door behind him. “You must be freezing,” he voiced, placing his fingers against the other’s cold cheek. “Let me get you some tea.” Shinya moved toward the kitchen, only managing a few steps before a hand pulled him back.

Die wrapped his arms around the frail man’s shoulders in a tight hug. “No. I don’t need tea. Just let me hold you for a while,” he said. The brunette felt Shinya nod against his shoulder—as well as the auburn’s arms wrapping around his chest. “I’m sorry I came so late,” Die apologized. “You look ready for sleep.”

“I was just getting ready.”

“Where’s Toshiya?” the elder asked.

“He’s working until tomorrow afternoon,” Shinya replied.

Die released his hold on the auburn. “Should I leave?”

Shinya shook his head quickly. “No. No, I don’t want you to go.”

“Okay; I’ll stay,” the brunette said with a warm smile, running a hand through the other’s hair.

The younger gave a soft sigh as his eyes closed at the touch. “That feels nice…”

“I’m glad to see you doing so well. I was worried you might be sick. It seems so long…”

“Toshiya takes good care of me,” Shinya chuckled. His smile faded a little, then, before he spoke next. “But I don’t know how long Toshiya will be around… He might be moving in with Kaoru soon and then it’ll just be me. It’s not that I mind—I can take care of myself well enough—but I’m going to miss having someone else around all the time.”

Die squeezed a frail shoulder. “I’ll try to come see you as much as I can. Work is crazy during the holidays, though, so I can’t make any promises.”

The auburn gave a soft smile. “It’s okay.”

Die led Shinya to the couch and made him sit down. “Are you going to be able to afford the apartment if he leaves?” he asked in concern.

The younger nodded. “I get plenty of hours at the pet store. I have money saved for emergencies.” Shinya pulled his legs up and tucked them under him to keep them warm. “Maybe this will give me the motivation to make more friends,” he said with an ironic chuckle.

“Do you want to meet Shou? He hasn’t been in the human world for decades. You two would make a great pair,” the elder suggested. The other gave a small laugh but turned his gaze down at his hands. Die watched Shinya’s smile fade with a look of sadness. “It won’t be so bad,” he voiced gently. “I’m sure Toshiya will come visit you as often as he can and invite you over all the time. It’ll be like he never left.” The brunette rest a hand on the younger man’s thigh and gave it a squeeze. He pulled back when the auburn flinched.

Shinya’s breath caught at the unfamiliar touch. He tried to contain the visible shudder that racked his body because of the deep shiver in his spine. His stomach fluttered with nerves and his heart skipped. Why did he only feel these things with Die? What did they mean? Shinya looked up when the brunette removed his hand quickly.

“I’m sorry…” the elder said in a pained voice. “I didn’t meant to… I didn’t want to scare you.”

Panic rose in Shinya’s chest as Die moved to get up. He grasped the other’s hand tightly in his own to stop him. “Don’t go!” Die looked at him in confusion. “I’m not afraid of you,” the younger said in a firm tone. He took in a nervous breath and continued. “I’m afraid of what I feel. Every time you’re with me I get nervous. My heart won’t behave and my stomach is full of butterflies. When you left me at that park I was afraid I’d never see you again. I don’t know what it is I feel… but I know I don’t want to lose you.” Shinya confessed, looking down at their hands.

Die released his hand from Shinya’s reaching out to place it on Shinya’s cheek. The auburn’s grey orbs looked into his, determined and nervous all at once, piercing him through to the very core. “I don’t want to lose you, either,” Die whispered. The brunette cupped Shinya’s slender face in his hands and leaned forward slowly until he could feel the younger man’s cool breath on his skin. He heard Shinya’s breath hitch as he closed the distance between them. Shinya’s eyes closed when Die’s soft lips pressed gently against his own. It was nervous; a way of testing the waters. Die pulled away just as slowly as he had leaned in, looking at the auburn with a silent question. Shinya surprised him by catching his lips in a firm kiss.

The younger man kissed him again as if to reiterate his unspoken point. This time Die responded, bringing Shinya closer with a hand at the back of his neck. Shinya gripped the elder’s coat as a way of keeping him there. The last thing he wanted now was for Die to leave. He gave a small moan as the brunette’s tongue ran across his lips. The auburn granted him entrance, a shiver running down his spine when the hot muscle made contact. Just when Shinya thought he was going to get dizzy from lack of air Die broke the kiss himself. Both men panted for breath.

The brunette gave  Shinya’s lips a soft peck. “We better get you in bed. It’s getting late,” he said. Die led the younger man down the hall to the bedroom. He made the other lie down under the covers before undoing his coat and shoes and setting them aside. He then slipped under the covers next to Shinya. “I told you I’d stay,” the brunette smiled, stroking bangs out of the other’s eyes.

Shinya reached up to run his fingers through the elder’s hair, loving the silky feel. It was like water slipping through his fingers. The auburn moved closer to the brunette’s warm body, running his hands along Die’s firm chest with nervous fingers. He blinked when the other gave a small twitch.

“That tickles,” the brunette explained. Shinya gave a small laugh. He glanced down at the elder’s lips. Thankfully, Die took the hint and kissed him. Shinya’s hand rest on his chest as they kissed. Die pulled him close by the hips, causing the auburn to shiver, nibbling at the younger man’s bottom lip. Shinya whimpered at the act. His breath hitched when the brunette’s lips moved along his jaw with more kisses. Pleasant shivers ran through him as the soft flesh lavished his skin. Heat rose to his cheeks. Die’s lips ran down Shinya’s neck to his collarbone and gave a sharp bite.

Shinya gasped and bucked against the brunette. Die’s breath hitched when the auburn’s slender hips made contact with his own. He bit down harder on the bone without meaning to, managing to make Shinya give a strangled moan and press against him more. Both men shuddered at the friction between them. A deep groan left Die’s throat no matter how hard he tried to hide it. The auburn gripped Die’s back and pulled him flush against his body.

Die raised his head to look into the younger man’s glazed eyes. “Shinya…” The auburn stared back at him, face flushed and panting for breath. “If you keep going I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop,” Die told him in a meaningful tone.

Shinya’s hand traveled from the brunette’s back up his chest to his cheek. He looked straight into the elder’s dark brown eyes. “I don’t want you to stop.” Die claimed his lips in a deep kiss that took his breath away. Shinya found himself pressed against the bed on his back, the brunette’s warm body covering his. The loose shirt covering him was removed before Die once again lavished his neck with kisses.  Strong hands ran along his sides, sending electricity coursing through his body. Shinya arched up against Die’s body with a moan when he felt a hot muscle on his chest. The brunette straddled the younger man’s thighs to remove his shirt. He claimed Shinya’s lips in a heated kiss.

Hands roamed over bare skin as the heat grew between them. Die’s touch burned into Shinya’s body, gentle and loving, as if Shinya were the most precious being in his life. He committed the contours of the elder’s toned body, felt every muscle ripple under taut skin. Their actions were slow even when the desire seemed too much to handle. There was no rush for time and no want to rush. Die was encouraging and patient with Shinya’s nervous touches, and every touch Die gave made Shinya undone.

The auburn gave a gasp as their bodies connected in the most intimate way, head thrown back against the pillows. “Does it hurt?” the elder asked, voice husky and low. The other shook his head. Shinya wrapped his arms around the brunette’s broad shoulders to bring him close, giving him a soft kiss to urge him on. Die moved against him, gentle and slow, drawing out noises of pleasure from the man beneath him. He pressed kisses against the auburn’s heated skin as his arms wrapped around the frail man. The other tangled a hand in the elder’s brown locks, whispering what he wanted into Die’s ear.

Shinya’s body tensed in Die’s hold as his release finally came. The brunette followed soon after, hips stilled as he emptied into his lover. A moan of Shinya’s name fell from his lips against the younger’s skin. Shinya held him close, reaching up to run his hands through the elder’s hair. “Don’t leave me,” he voiced into the quiet air.

Die tightened his embrace. “Never.” The brunette moved out of the younger’s arms to lie beside him again, pulling the covers over the shivering man. Shinya wrapped his arms around the elder’s chest and rest his head near Die’s heart. His eyes fluttered closed in sleep, a content sigh leaving his nose. Die ran his hand soothingly through the auburn locks as Shinya slept until sleep claimed him as well.

 

Shinya woke to the sound of the shower running down the hall. He looked beside him to find a freshly made breakfast tray. He chuckled at the note saying Die didn’t want to wake him, sighing at the warmth that rose in his chest. The auburn forced himself to leave the warm covers in order to get dressed, pulling on a large sweater over his thin shirt. He sat back on the bed to enjoy his breakfast, surprised at how hungry he actually was, looking out his bedroom window into the morning sky outside. Shinya looked up when he heard Die lean against the door.

“Good morning,” the brunette smiled.

The younger returned the gesture. “Good morning. Thank you for breakfast. It tastes wonderful,” he said. “But there’s only enough for one…”

Die moved to sit beside him, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “I already ate. I had to leave to get a fresh pair of clothes,” he told the other, “but I’m glad I got back before you woke up.”

Shinya blushed, raising a glass of orange juice to his lips. “Do you have to work today?” he asked hesitantly.

“Not until later tonight.”

“Do you… Would you like to… meet Toshiya—officially?”

The brunette gave a soft chuckle. “I’d like that.”

“Okay…”

“What time will he be home?”

“In another three hours or so,” Shinya replied as he glanced at the clock.

Die leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss. “Then I have you all to myself for a little while longer…” He took one of Shinya’s hands in his and locked their fingers together. Shinya blushed heavily, trying to hide the color under his hair. The elder gave a warm chuckle.

The other reached up to run his hands through the brown hair. It was even softer than it had been last night. Shinya took in a deep breath. “You smell good…” he voiced.

The brunette took Shinya’s hand in his, bringing it to his lips to press a kiss against his palm. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered.

“This is not a compliment contest,” Shinya said bluntly.

Die gave a devious smirk, moving closer so their lips were centimeters apart. “You’re beautiful,” he repeated. “Your lips are soft… I could stare into your eyes all day… You’re beautiful…”

“You said that three times,” the younger breathed without realizing he was whispering. A smirk tugged at the other’s lips. “You’re beautiful, too…” He closed the distance between them with a quick kiss. Die was about to kiss him when the sound of a door closing made them freeze.

“Shinya, I’m home!” a voice called. “Are you awake?”

“That’s Toshiya,” Shinya said in confusion. He set his glass down on the tray and stood off the bed. The auburn took Die’s hand in his, leading him out of the bedroom. “You’re home early,” Shinya called out to his roommate. “Is something wrong?”

“No, the place was dead so my manager let me come home early. Did you eat yet?” Toshiya replied.

Shinya and Die stopped in the living room where the younger released their hands. “Yes. Die made me breakfast,” the auburn said hesitantly.

The black haired man in the kitchen turned around about to reply, when the sight of the brunette made him forget what he was going to say. Toshiya stared at them for a moment, making Shinya shuffle his feet awkwardly, until a bright smile stretched his lips. “Oh, did he, now?” he quirked with a teasing raise of his eyebrows. Shinya hid his face in his hands. “It’s nice to meet you, Die. I’m Toshiya.”

The brunette gave a bow and a smile. “Nice to meet you.”

“Thank you for feeding my roommate.”

“My pleasure,” Die chuckled.

Toshiya looked around the apartment. “You spent your day off cleaning again, didn’t you?” he asked the auburn. Shinya gave a sheepish nod. “Do you work today?”

“No; not until tomorrow,” the other replied.

“Good. Die, would you take my roommate out so he can actually enjoy his day off? Otherwise he’ll just stay home reading.”

Die looked at Shinya. “I’m only available until five,” he said, letting the question hang in the air.

The younger bit his lip in thought. “Can we go to the beach for a while?” he asked.

“Sure,” the brunette smiled.

“Great!” Toshiya interrupted with a toothy grin. “I’ll see you after five, Shinya.”

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Die blinked at the dirty blonde sitting on his bed. Kyo sat with his legs tucked under him and staring at his hands. It was the first time the brunette had seen his best friend in nearly a month. Die sat down beside the shorter man and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “It’s good to see you,” he said with a smile. “What’s on your mind?”

Kyo gave a heavy sigh. “Have you… ever done something—or said something—when you were angry that you ended up regretting later?” he asked the taller.

The brunette thought for a moment. “When I was human my brother was having a hard time with his team mates. They weren’t inviting him to go do things after practice and were always ignoring him. His rotten mood made me snap one day. I was tired of it.”

“What happened?” Kyo asked.

“I told him he was never included because he wasn’t good enough to be a real member of the team. I said he was always too negative or too insensitive for them to want to be his friends. He quit the team. But, one night, I walked past his room and saw him looking sadly at all his equipment. He missed being on the team and they missed him, but he never went back because of what I said.”

“I did something worse…” the dirty blonde said, pain creasing his brow. Die looked at him in confusion. “I was supposed to meet someone to go to the Chrysanthemum Festival… but they never came. When I saw him again he… he acted like nothing had happened. I called him a liar, a spoiled brat… I was so hurt I didn’t even let him try to explain himself. But I could tell what I was saying was causing him more hurt than he had caused me… and I still walked away and left him there.” Kyo pulled his legs against his chest.

Die squeezed his shoulder again. “I’m sorry, Kyo.”

The shorter man gave a shaky breath. “I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to forgive me. And I don’t know if I can ask him to.”

“When you’re ready to, you will. I know you will.”

“Thanks, Die.”

“Any time.”

Kyo squared his shoulders and stood off the bed. “I better get some sleep. I have a ton of cases tomorrow.”

The brunette looked up in pleasant surprise. “You’re going back into the field?” he asked. The dirty blonde nodded. “That’s great!” Die grinned. “It means you’re becoming your old self again.”

The other gave a wry smile. “I don’t think I’ll ever be my ‘old’ self again. Not since I met him.” Kyo walked out of the brunette’s room without another word. Die gave a heavy sigh.

 

Shinya looked at all the boxes piled up in the living room. Each one was labeled according to its contents and taped to keep everything inside. It was December 8th. The news had come earlier that week and packing took all of four days. Shinya let out a dejected sigh. “I guess this will be another date I’ll never forget…”

Toshiya looked up from labeling another box. He saw the younger man’s downcast expression and gave a small smile. The black haired man walked up to his roommate, wrapping his arm around him in a fond hug. Shinya returned the gesture. Toshiya rubbed his back reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Shinya. We’ll still see each other. I know it won’t be nearly as often as we do now but that doesn’t matter. You’ll always be my best friend.”

The auburn gave the other a playful smack on the back. “You’re going to make me cry.”

The elder giggled. “Besides; it’s not like you’ll be alone for Christmas even if I’m not here. I have Kaoru and you have Die. I can tell he makes you happy, so I approve of whatever your relationship is. But if he breaks your heart I’ll kick his ass.”

Shinya laughed. “Deal.” The two stayed in their embrace, silent until Shinya spoke again. “I’ll miss you, Toshiya…”

Toshiya held him tighter. “I’ll miss you, too.”

Kaoru and the moving crew came to take Toshiya’s things within an hour, and in less than forty minutes every box had been carried away, leaving Shinya alone. The auburn didn’t dare step foot in the empty room that used to be Toshiya’s. There was nothing there but a bare mattress in a bed frame. Shinya took a deep breath and rubbed his arms. A shiver ran down his spine before strong arms wrapped around his shoulders.

A small smile tugged at Shinya’s lips. “I was hoping you’d come…”

Die pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’m here.”

 

The two men sat on the leather couch, mugs of tea and boxes of take-out on the coffee table. “Tell me about the spirit world,” Shinya said. “What does it look like?”

“We live in a huge office building. There are departments dealing with certain cases. Shou is our main “secretary”. He assigns all the cases. There are bedrooms for shinigami but all the cooking is done for us so… it’s a bit like a luxury apartment. When relatives who have passed on come to welcome more family members they stay in the guestrooms. We have a library, too. Every “lost” book or story ends up in our library,” the brunette explained.

“How do you keep track of your cases?”

“Well… a case file comes in the form of a book. The longer someone’s life, the thicker the book. When a new case appears Shou and the other “secretaries” catalogue the information and assign them.”

“How do you know when a case is completed?”

“It’s like a hotel check-in. We have a shinigami who welcomes people and writes in their name. Then the name is matched with the name of a pending case. I know it sounds complicated but we have a very efficient team.”

The auburn hummed in thought. “You don’t go outside at all?” he asked after a moment.

Die smiled. “We have a garden. It’s always in bloom; always green. You would love it.”

Shinya chuckled. “It sounds beautiful… You said… a shinigami can’t take life—or give it,” he said hesitantly.

The brunette’s smile faded. He gave a curt nod and a hum in reply.

“You looked sad when you told me that…” the younger voiced gently.

Die gave a heavy sigh. “One of my little brothers died when I was younger. He had been dead years before I became a shinigami so I couldn’t have done anything anyway but… I still wish I could have sent him back…” he replied.

Shinya moved closer to the taller man to wrap his arms around his neck. “I’m sorry.” The brunette returned the gesture. “Can you stay longer?” Shinya asked after a while.

“Until you fall asleep,” Die promised, “but I won’t be able to see you again until Christmas.”

“That’s fine. I’ll wait for you.”

 

December 20th.

Shinya made his way home from visiting Toshiya and Kaoru. Tokyo was decorated in Christmas garb to mark the biggest holiday for couples even more than it already was. Even Shinya had the date marked on his calendar because that was the day he would get to see Die again. The only thing that worried him was that he hadn’t found a present for the brunette yet.

The auburn snapped out of his thoughts when a little boy ran in front of him and almost made him slip on the ice. “Hey! Don’t cross the street without looking for cars,” he told the boy. The little boy stopped abruptly, looking down both ends of the empty street before making his way across. Shinya gasped when he saw headlights rounding the corner. “Kid! Get out of the road!” he called, but the boy froze in fear, staring right at the on-coming headlights. Shinya ran into the street. He pushed the little boy aside just as a dull pain hit his legs. His world went black as his body fell to the ground.

 

“Shinya. Shinya, can you hear me?”

A deep voice broke through Shinya’s sleep. He felt familiar hands running through his hair. The auburn’s eyes fluttered open slowly, cringing at the bright white lights around him. His eyes focused on the dark brown orbs set in a handsome face. “Die…”

The brunette gave a small sigh of relief. “Good…”

Shinya sat up slowly. He was in a white lobby that was a mix of a hotel and an office. He knew instantly that he was in the spirit world. “The kid,” the auburn said quickly. “Did the kid make it?” Shinya asked Die in concern. The elder nodded. “But I didn’t…”

Die gave an apologetic shake of his head. “You risked your life for that little boy. He got away with a few scratches and bruises. The driver rounded the corner too quickly and slid on black ice so there was nothing he could have done. Listen to me,” the brunette said in a serious tone. “Right now, your body is lying on the pavement in front of the car. You hit your head; that’s the only damage you have. You can go back… or become a shinigami.”

The younger man stared at him in silence. His eyes never moved from Die’s. “I want to stay with you,” he said in a firm tone.

“Shinya…”

“If I become a shinigami I can still go see Toshiya. I can see my parents and my siblings. If I’m a shinigami…. I can be with you forever. That’s what I want. I don’t want to be apart from you—I can’t. I need you, Die.  I want to be with you. I love you.”

A bright smile flashed on the brunette’s face. He pressed his lips against Shinya’s. “I’m the one who can’t be apart from you. I can’t live without you, Shinya…” The younger man blushed. “Close your eyes, and imagine yourself back in your body. When you wake up you’ll be a shinigami but the people will think you’re still human. After you leave the scene I’ll call for you. Then all you have to do is picture the office. I’ll be waiting for you,” Die instructed. Shinya nodded and closed his eyes.

 

“Sir? Sir, are you alright?” a woman’s voice spoke in concern.

Shinya cringed as he sat up, looking around at the crowd that had gathered around him. “I’m fine…”

“You didn’t have a pulse for a few minutes. Are you sure you’re alright?” the same woman repeated.

The auburn nodded. “I must have hit my head.” He turned to the little boy crying in a woman’s arms. “Are you okay?”

The boy nodded. “Thank you,” he managed between sobs.

Shinya smiled, standing up carefully. He exchanged some words with the driver and the crowd before managing to escape the scene. The auburn made his way down the street until he had reached a deserted area. Die’s deep voice rang in his head. ‘Come home.’ Shinya took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again he was back in the spirit world. He gave the brunette before him a broad smile.

Die pulled Shinya into his arms in a tight hug. Shinya hugged him in return, clinging to the elder’s broad shoulders. “I love you.”

 

Shinya’s eyes opened groggily to the sight of a sleeping brunette beside him. The bed they shared was big enough for four. A pleasant breeze came in through the open balcony doors. The auburn smiled at the handsome man before him. He finally knew how it felt to wake up next to the one you loved. The best part was that it would never end. Shinya leaned forward to lay a soft kiss on Die’s lips.

“Go back to sleep…” Die murmured against his lips, causing the other to laugh.

The younger man moved into the brunette’s strong arms and wrapped his arms around his chest. “Oh!” he remembered suddenly. “I never asked you this: When is your birthday?”

Die looked at him in surprise for a moment. “It was yesterday.”

Shinya’s smile faded. “I didn’t get you anything…”

The brunette gave a warm smile. He ran his fingers through the other’s soft hair with a loving touch. “I have you. I don’t need anything else.” He then claimed Shinya’s lips in a deep kiss.


	10. Chapter 10

Kyo set a stack of books on the desk in the front office with a heavy thud. The tall, golden blonde haired man behind the desk looked at him with a raised brow. “Finished cases. Takeru should be here soon with the names for you to match them with,” the shorter explained bluntly.

Shou moved the books aside and drew out his record tablet. “You’ve been out in the field for a good three weeks. Ready for a break?” he asked.

The dirty blonde shook his head. “I want to keep busy. What’s next?”

The taller man looked at him in shock. “W-Well… that’s it. All the other cases have been assigned already,” he said slowly.

Kyo glanced at the table behind Shou’s desk. “What about that one?” he asked, gesturing at the book with a nod of his head.

“Oh… It’s an odd one. I’m not sure what to do with it. I was going to ask Die-san about it before I assign it to anyone,” Shou replied, looking at the book with a creased brow.

“Hmm… Well, I guess I’ll go to my room, then,” the other shrugged and headed down the hall.

“Have a good rest,” Shou called after him.

 

“Sir!” Tora called to get the other man’s attention.

Die turned around to face the tall black haired shinigami. “What is it?”

“Shou wanted you to look at this case. He says it’s odd and he doesn’t know what instructions to give—or who to assign it to.” The taller held out a black book to the brunette.

“They look to be in their twenties…” Die mused as he observed the size. He began flipping through the pages, noting what was highlighted as important. “Has Shou already catalogued this?” he asked.

“Yes, sir,” Tora nodded.

The brunette stopped at the fourth to last chapter, detailing the month of September in the person’s life. His brow creased in thought. “Wait a minute...” Tora watched as the other continued looking through the book. The more Die read the more his brow creased.

“Is something wrong?” the black haired man asked.

Die stopped at the last page. He gave a heavy, pained sigh. “Shit…”

“Sir?” Tora pressed.

“Tell Shou I’m assigning this to Kyo. I’ll take care of it personally.”

The taller bowed. “Yes, sir.”

Die made his way to his best friend’s room, the book feeling heavier in his hands. He knocked on the dirty blonde’s door with a hesitant hand. Kyo called for him to come in and the brunette did so. “Hey…” he greeted, seeing the other looking out his balcony.

“Hey,” Kyo said with a smile.

“I have a case for you.”

“Really?” The dirty blonde turned his full attention to the brunette. His eyebrow raised when he saw the book in his friend’s hand. “Isn’t that the case Shou didn’t know what to do anything with?” he quirked. The elder nodded. “Okay. What’s the scoop?”

Die took in a deep breath. “I want to read some of it to you, first…” he said. Kyo gave an expectant stare. The brunette opened the book to the fourth to last chapter again. “ ‘September… Case met a stranger on his way home late at night. The same stranger was seen again at Case’s favorite park… October:  The Case and the stranger have become quick friends. Case’s parents and relatives note that he seems happier now, but wonder how long it will last. Case and friend spend the day talking about ordinary life. This is one of the Case’s happiest memories. Halloween: Case is bedridden, unable to go outside due to his illness. His doctors say his heart will not do well in the cold. November: Case is unable to attend a long-awaited date. He tried to reconcile with the other party but was unsuccessful.’”

“Sounds like someone else was having relationship trouble,” Kyo said with a scoff. He stopped, however, when Die gave him a hard stare.

“ ‘The Case collapsed in the street due to his illness. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital that night. He has been hospitalized ever since. The doctors say he doesn’t have much time. His parents and family are waiting, but even they don’t have much hope.’”

“I don’t understand,” the dirty blonde said slowly. “What’s so difficult about this case?”

The brunette hesitated. “They only have one unsorted thing before they can move on but… no one knows how to grant it.”

“What is it?”

Die sighed. “He wants to apologize.”

“Doesn’t he think the other person will forgive him once they find out he’s gone?”

“He doesn’t want to wait that long.”

Kyo gave an irritated sigh. “Okay… I’ll see what I can do.” He held his hand out for the book. Die looked at it for a moment, giving it to his friend reluctantly. Kyo raised a brow at the other’s behavior as he took the case in his hands. He opened to the title page where he would find a name. Kyo gave a pained gasp. The book fell to the floor with a rustle of pages.

 

Kyo stared at the frail figure lying in the hospital bed. Brown hair had lost its luster and health, framing a handsome face that was once full of life. Hazel eyes looked out of the window at the winter scene beyond the glass. They had lost any spark of happiness or fire of life. The only tubes attached to him was the heart monitor, a slow beep filling the silent room. The dirty blonde could see the thin figure of the other man even when it was hidden beneath thick blankets. Kyo could barely find his voice. “Ruki…”

The brunette’s hazel eyes turned toward him at the sound of his voice. Even from a distance Kyo could see the happiness that made them sparkle. A smile broke on the other’s pale lips. “You came…”

“You’re dying…”

“I know,” Ruki said, his smile saddening. “I’ve been dying all my life. It was only a matter of time.”

“What are you…?” Kyo couldn’t bring himself to say the words.

“A weak heart…  Muscle spasms and dizzy spells are all symptoms,” the brunette replied to the unfinished question. The two stood in silence, staring at each other without knowing what to say. “I wanted to see you…” Ruki gasped with a shaky breath. “I wanted to tell you why I couldn’t meet you for the festival. Right before Halloween I came down with a bad cold. I could barely get out of bed and move around the house let alone go outside. I was too sick to go anywhere. And even when it seemed I was doing better my parents wouldn’t let me go. It killed me to not be able to come see you. I had no way to get in contact with you to call you and tell you I wouldn’t be able to make it. I wanted to see you…” he explained as best he could through the tears in his eyes.

Kyo shook where he stood. Tears filled his own eyes as he neared the bed, falling to his knees with anguished sobs. “Oh, god, Ruki… I’m so sorry!” he cried. “Why didn’t you tell me? All those times…”

Ruki managed a small chuckle. “I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want any more people feeling sorry for me for something that can’t be helped. Besides, when I was with you… I didn’t feel sick. I felt normal. Happy. Like it didn’t matter how weak my heart was because I was with someone who made me forget everything bad. When I was with you I forgot about everything. Nothing else mattered to me but you. I never felt that way when I was with my family. When I saw you at the park after the festival I was so glad I found you because I wanted to explain. I wanted to apologize.”

The dirty blonde gripped one of Ruki’s cold hands in his. “I’m so sorry… I said such horrible things… I hurt you…”

The younger reached out to rest his hand on Kyo’s head. He pet the blonde locks slowly. “I’m not angry with you, Kyo… I know I hurt you. You had every right to be angry with me. And I understand if you still are… but I had to tell you I was sorry.”

Kyo rose to his feet. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss on the brunette’s forehead. “I forgive you…” he whispered.

“I forgive you…” Ruki wrapped his arms around the dirty blonde’s shoulders slowly, ignoring the pain coursing through his body, a hand tangling in the soft locks. “Kyo, I’m scared…” he admitted through his tears. Kyo held him gently in his arms.

“Of what? Dying?”

“No…” the brunette shook his head. “I’m scared I’ll never see you again.”

The elder pulled away to look into Ruki’s tear-filled eyes. “You will,” he said. “I promise you’ll see me again. Sooner than you think,” Kyo whispered with a small smile. He rest a hand on the brunette’s sunken cheek and stroked the skin with his thumb.

Ruki gave a smile of relief. “I believe you… Kyo…”

Hazel eyes grew dark as they closed, thick lashes resting on cold cheeks.  The frail arms around Kyo’s neck fell limp at Ruki’s sides and the cool air of his breathing stopped hitting Kyo’s skin. The dirty blonde looked at the peaceful face, his eyes overflowing with tears. Kyo pressed another kiss to the smooth brow. “Soon…” he whispered.

 

“Welcome to purgatory,” Takeru greeted with a dimpled smile. “This is Die-san, the Head Shinigami. He’ll be walking you through the process,” he introduced, gesturing to the tall brunette who stood at nearly an entire foot taller beside him.

Die smiled at the newcomer. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ruki-kun.”

Ruki gave a bow. “Pleasure to meet you,” he returned.

“We have a tradition here that entails a person who has died before their time to choose between moving on… and becoming a shinigami,” the brunette said. Ruki looked at him in confusion. “However, I know a certain dirty blonde who can’t bear to be without you, so I think we can make an exception in your case,” the taller smiled deviously. He moved aside to reveal a familiar man looking at Ruki.

“Kyo…”

“If you choose to become a shinigami like us… you can be with him forever.”

Kyo looked up at his friend. “You mean it?” he asked. Die chuckled and nodded.

Ruki threw his arms around Kyo’s neck and kissed him full on the lips. Die raised a brow in amusement. The other shinigami in the room stared in shock at the display, especially when Kyo kissed him back. “Forever,” Ruki repeated.

“Forever.”

 

Ruki stared at the bright blue lights covering Tokyo’s skyline. “It’s beautiful,” he sighed with a happy smile. “I’ve never seen the lights from so far away before. And this is my first time seeing them with someone special,” the brunette voiced.

The man beside him chuckled. “I’m glad you like it.”

“So what now? Do we go to a café and share a Christmas cake and champagne or go ice skating?” the younger quirked in a teasing tone.

Kyo laughed. “I was thinking something along the lines of a romantic night in bed—after the cake.”

Ruki looked at him in surprise. “You actually bought one?”

The dirty blonde shuffled his feet nervously. “Did you not… want to share a cake?” he asked.

“Well, of course I did but… I wasn’t actually expecting one.”

“You should know, right now, that I wouldn’t have done this for anyone else. Ever,” Kyo told him bluntly, making the other laugh. “You are the first person I’ve ever felt this way for, and you always will be. I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you.”

Ruki blushed, smiling down at his feet. “Me, too…”

Kyo leaned in slowly, lifting Ruki’s face toward him by the chin, and claimed the soft lips in a tender kiss. Ruki sighed into the kiss, resting a hand on the dirty blonde’s wrist. The elder pulled away just enough to leave an inch of air between their lips. “I love you, Ruki.”

“I love you, Kyo,” Ruki said and Kyo kissed him again.


End file.
